Weight Loss Progress Pictures and a few other remarks about this seemingly never ending journey

Not gonna lie, when I looked at the pictures of myself after completing the 10K, I was disappointed.  I feel like I should look smaller than I do....which is seriously crazy.  I still weigh 271 pounds, I still have about 100 pounds left to loose.

I had to search and dig for older pictures to remind myself of how far I have come.  This was no easy task since finding a full body picture of myself taken anywhere between 2003 and 2012 is nearly impossible.  I think there are only about 10 of them in existence...which is really sad considering I've gotten married and had three kids in that time.  There should be far more, but I always feel like I'm ruining a picture by being in it.  I'm sure a lot of you have already read it, but I recently read an article called "The Mom Stays in the Picture" that made me determined to change this.  I cried like a baby.

Since I went through the trouble of finding pictures to remind myself, I thought I'd share them with you.

I found this lovely gem from my little sister's college graduation in May 2007.  I don't think this was quite at my heaviest (355 lbs), but it is pretty darn close.  I'm probably around 345 here and wearing a size 28.

 

I honestly don't remember being this big, I don't think I ever realized that I was this big.  As awful as this picture is, I was actually really happy that I found it.

The next one is after having two kiddos.  It is from April 2010, so about 5 months after baby number two, and I'm guessing I'm around 325. 

 

 

This one is from August 2011, one month after having baby number 3 and enjoying some ice cream on my birthday.  I think I was 330 or so at that point.  The weight didn't come off nearly as quickly the third time around. 

 

Here I am a couple of weeks ago

Here is yesterday (271 pounds)

 

Progress has been made, but I still have so very far to go.  As much as I want to pretend that this is all about being healthier, I also have to acknowledge that there is a very large part of me that just wants to be ok with what I see in the mirror and in the pictures that I look at.  I'd love to be able to say that none of that matters, but I'm just not there yet.  Hopefully some day I will be.

I did have one little victory this past week that helped me realize that I am making progress.  Since I was out of town for work again, I decided to take some time and go shopping.  Getting the chance to go to the mall without a kiddo in tow is a rare opportunity, so I seized it! 

I knew that Forever 21 had plus size sections in some of their stores, so I decided to check it out since their clothes aren't astronomically expensive.  The last pair of pants that I bought was a 24 (the grey ones above) and I was shocked when they fit.  The biggest size I could find at Forever 21 was a size 20.  It took me about 15 minutes to work up the courage to actually go and try them on, but man, was I happy that I did.  THEY FIT!  Like completely, 100% fit.  I didn't have to squeeze anything in, I was just able to zip them up.  I just stood in the dressing room with a ginormous smile on my face for a good 5 minutes and then walked around the store for another 10 or so trying to decide if I should actually buy them or not.  I decided to pick up a shirt to go with them and walked out of the store with a whole new outfit for about $25...still much more than I like to spend, but a little non-food reward (I pretty much don't buy clothes unless they are on clearance or from Savers). 

While I was walking around trying to decide if I should buy them or not, I started to feel a bit overwhelmed.  I've been fat my entire life.  I've never been able to just go to a regular store, look for clothes that I thought were cute and then bought them.  I've had to start with about 4 or 5 racks of plus size clothes (compared to the hundreds of normal sizes), look for something that I sort of liked and then pray that they had a size that would fit me.  I've never developed my own "style" because I've always been limited by size.  I honestly started to get a bit anxious as I strolled through the store....I wouldn't even know where to start if I could fit into "normal" sized clothes.  The options increase substantially, and it was a little bit scary to think about being able to choose from some day.  I really don't know how anyone who wears a normal size determines what they buy with the seemingly limitless options....it would take me much more time than I have. 

So that is where I'm at.  I'm about 8 pounds away from my half way marker of 91 pounds lost and trying very hard to stay focused and remain positive.  This really is the most difficult thing I've ever done.  I need to get back in gear with using My Fitness Pal and figure out a good workout plan now that I'm done with my 10K training.

Do any of you have a great workout plan that you stick to?  There is a Zumba class at my office on Thursday evenings, so I think I might check that out.  I'm going to keep running twice a week or so, but probably only do 6-9 miles a week until spring.