My musings on life, making peace with my body, finding balance in raising three children, being a wife, working full time and trying to live like Jesus.
Hello! This is just a check in post, not a continuation of the "My Story" posts that I've been doing lately, but I promise that I'll have one of those up by the end of the week.
It has been a rough couple of days in the "healthy choices" department. The cause of the derailment is exciting, my little sister had a baby! Due to said baby, I didn't get much sleep on Thursday night as I kept a bedside vigil waiting for baby to make his/her arrival. SHE finally decided to join the crazy world outside of her mother's womb at 6:26 Friday (7/20) morning, just a day before her parent's 5 year anniversary. Etta Gloria is her name, and she is the most petite little thing I've ever seen. She is gorgeous, but I'll let you be the judge
I rushed home pretty much immediately after she was born to shower and change and head back to work. I only made it to about 1pm before I was completely useless. I went to visit the new family quickly and then headed back home and went full swing into the weekend. James has been sick with what his doctor thinks may be mono, so he's been exhausted and trying to sleep as much as possible to recuperate, but it doesn't seem to be working. If you are the praying kind, please pray for healing and/or some kind of a diagnosis. He battles crazy joint pain and extreme fatigue on a fairly regular basis and his doctors haven't really been able to pinpoint any causes.
So between those two events, I've been pretty much exhausted since Friday and I have realized that when I'm exhausted, if I throw in a little bit of frustration and anxiety, I still have the desire to shove my face with food. It is annoying. I know it is ridiculous and sinful as I'm doing it, but I consistently tell myself that I'll make better decisions tomorrow....it's been 5 days of tomorrows. I've been running on auto-pilot trying to do it on my own instead of leaning into God to fulfil the hunger that only He can satisfy (Psalm 63:5-8).
One other item to add into the mix is the barrage of messages/teachings that I've heard and read lately that talk about the complementarianism view of theology. So many pastors and organizations that I greatly respect and turn to for advice and direction in other areas talk so much about a woman's primary job being in the home to serve her husband and raise her children.
I was not raised to believe this, in fact, quite the opposite. I was raised to believe that I didn't need a man and that I could have any job that a guy had. I didn't believe that men and women are uniquely gifted. As a result, I became very driven to succeed in my education and in my career. My worth (in my head) was measured by my GPA at the end of the semester, the number of letters behind my name and the position that I held. I decided to get my M.B.A a couple of years ago and never once thought that I would be sitting here thinking the way that I do today.
I just never even thought about staying home with my children. I knew that eventually we would have them, but staying home with them never crossed my mind, I just always assumed that I would work. Now, here I am, wanting to be home with them, wanting to spend as much time as I can loving them, teaching them, shaping them.....and financially it isn't an option, because there is just no way to pay for the student loans resulting from said M.B.A (and many other bad financial decisions) on one income, not to mention how wasteful I feel like it would be to have a degree that isn't being utilized.
It is so painful to not be able to be the wife and mother that I want to be, that I believe God desires me to be, because I didn't have the maturity to think about the future.
What makes it even more difficult for me is that there just aren't very many good resources for mother's who work outside of the home and also desire to know and follow God. It can be incredibly defeating for a woman working outside of the home to constantly hear recommendations on how to be a "good" wife and mom by being home but then nothing at all about how you can do those things and work outside of the home at the same time.
I know a lot of women who are good moms who work outside the home and I know a lot of women who are good moms that stay at home with their children. Trust me when I say that I'm not trying to make all women feel guilty about working. This is just an area where I believe God is doing some work on me and I'm really struggling with it.
Part of me wonders if maybe I'm being called to offer the support to the women who are "stuck" in a situation of constant conflict between wanting to be at home but yet needed to work outside of the home. I know that it is possible to be Godly mother and wife and work outside the home, I just have this overwhelming need to have someone paint a picture of what it looks like for me.
Today I am left feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I keep trying to find clarity in a situation where I don't think I'm going to find it. I have a feeling that being a working mom is going to be something that God uses to help remind me that I don't have all the answers and that I need to lean into Him and trust in His promises.
I've been reading through Deuteronomy in my daily reading plan and came upon this little gem that is always helpful to be reminded of
"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations" - Deuteronomy 7:9 (ESV)
I don't know why it is so hard for me to remember that God is God, the faithful God. It is a relief. I would make a horrible God, I can't even keep track of things in my own life, but He knows every detail (Psalm 139). How awesome is it that there is someone who knows me better than I know myself, not only does he know me, but he has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11)! It is comforting and terrifying at the same time to know that there is NOTHING about us that He doesn't know. I have thoughts some times that I wouldn't dare share with another person, but yet the One I love the most is completely aware of them. Every wicked thought, every sinful act, He knows, and yet He still loves us, He still sent Jesus to die for us. I'm baffled by and so incredibly thankful for God's grace, the FREE grace that we don't need to earn, we only need to believe in (John 3:16-21).
I realize this is a somewhat random post and kind of ended up all over the place, but that is where I am today. If you have any words of wisdom or any resources on being a working mom who loves Jesus, I'd love to hear them!
I will leave you with a song that I can't get out of my head lately
I'm back to the story about who I've been and where I am today. If you missed the first two, you might want to go back and read them now. Part 1 and Part 2. I was originally planning a three part story, but I think it is going to end up being four or five.
I ended the last post with a bit of a cliffhanger, although if you know anything about me at all, you'll know that I decided to take my chances on Internet dating one more time, much to the dismay of my mom and little sister. They both swore that I would end up dead in a back alley somewhere, but I knew better. (I just have to take and minute and thank God for his protection through the years I described in Part 2. It is only by his grace and for my parents praying me through that I never did end up meeting a psychopath online.)
I decided to return the e-mail from this mysterious James character. He was a Christian and enjoyed a lot of the same things that I did. We started exchanging e-mails and chatting over instant messenger. Within a couple of weeks, we had decided that it was time to meet in person. September 5, 2004 was the day we agreed upon. He was going to pick me up and we were going to check out Ikea (it was brand spanking new in MN), see a movie and then head to dinner.
From the minute I opened the door, something in me just knew that this would be the last first date I would go on. We headed up to Ikea and went through the maze of home furnishings and agreed on liking or disliking quite a few things (always a good sign, home decor is important). After making it through the congested aisles, we headed to Edina to see "The Village". It was raining when the movie ended and we just went for a little drive through uptown and made our way over to Frogtown in St. Paul and ended up at a little Cambodian restaurant called Cheng Heng (tiny place, but great food). I'm not sure if it was my first Coconut Bubble Tea or the company, but at the end of the night, I deemed it the best date ever.
He drove me home and walked me to the door in the rain and we ended the night with a hug. We set up our next date (the very next day) and I met him at the State Fair and ever since then, I don't think I've gone a day without talking to or seeing him. My sister asked me how it went when I got home (after being relieved and surprised that I was returned safely home in one piece) and I think I just smiled. I'm pretty sure my words were "He never stopped talking, he just kept talking, there was no awkward silence." I am a woman of few words (ok, so I don't talk much, but I can't seem to shut up when I'm writing) so it was a relief to find a guy who actually kept conversations going.
We started out very slow on the physical end of things, which was a welcome change. I think we had dated for almost three months before we even kissed. It was so refreshing to actually be loved for who I was and not what I could provide physically.
He started coming to church with me on Sunday mornings and we quickly became inseparable. We were both "Christian" and went to church, but we weren't really striving to be more like Jesus. We decided to get an apartment together in March of 2005 and in June we went camping at Lake Bemidji State Park. While we were swimming together in Lake Bemidji, James pulled me close and said "You know what I think? I think we should get married when we go to Vegas." (We had a trip to Vegas planned to attend a friend's wedding.) He didn't have a ring, and I don't think it was planned, but I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful proposal. So there in Lake Bemidji, I quickly said, "I think that sounds like a good idea."
I'm not your typical girl and I was still dealing with social anxiety, so not planning a big wedding was a huge relief to me. Vegas was perfect. We talked to family and agreed to have a more formal "vow renewal ceremony" around our one year anniversary so that our friends and family could celebrate with us. So we enjoyed the rest of the summer and headed off to Vegas in September and got married at The Little Church of the West on September 29, 2005.
Our wedding was followed by a sunset convertible drive down the strip (someone at a stoplight gave us a heartfelt congrats after realizing we had just gotten married), dinner at Ruth's Chris and Cirque du Soleil "O" at the Bellagio. Since this blog is about overcoming my struggles with food, I think it is important to mention the one part of the evening that had me in tears. We got to our seats for "O" and I could barely fit into mine....my large rear end squeezed into the seat and was not at all comfortable and I just started to cry. God stepped in and a lovely usher quickly came to the rescue. She thought I was afraid of heights and worked some magic and got us some much better seats in much more comfortable chairs. Had I gone through that experience with anyone other than my best friend, I would probably still be mortified today, but he was so compassionate and I loved him all the more. We came back to a beautifully decorated hotel room with candles and rose petals (thanks Suzi!), it was perfect. I remember every minute of my wedding day, no stress (other than the seat incident) and completely care free. It was lovely.
James and I are so opposite in so many ways, but I think we complement each other well. He challenges me in so many ways and we have a lot of fun together. He's loud, I'm quiet. He never stops talking, I only speak up when I have something important to say. He loves to argue, I despise conflict. But we both love God (and unfortunately for us, food).
We did what most newly married couples do, spent a lot of time going out to eat, sleeping and watching movies. Our newlywed bliss coupled with a high stress job was a really bad combination. I gained almost 50 pounds the first year that we were married and then I added another 50 the year after. It is amazing how quickly weight goes on when you eat copious amounts of garbage day after day.
After we moved to Minneapolis, we started looking for a church that was closer. We had been to a few different places and hadn't found anything we liked. Then one day in the spring of 2006, James' sister asked if we wanted to check out a new church with them on Saturday night and then come over to their house and play Texas Holdem. We said, we'll go to church with you :-) We went to Eagle Brook Church Lino Lakes campus and church as I knew it was quickly turned upside down.....
Welcome to part two of my journey in my relationship with Christ. If you missed part one, you can read it here. This post is raw, filled with stories and emotions that have been shared with very few people, but I think they are important part of my journey.
I am taking the term "De-Churched" from Matt Chandler, one of my favorite teachers lately. Here is a little clip where he explains it. Basically, this part of my life was me thinking that I wasn't good enough for God. I had made too many mistakes, he wasn't answering my prayers and I kind of just gave up.
I ended the first part with the transfer to a different college. Switching school mid year proved to be a bit of a challenge for me since most people had already fallen into a routine and formed friendships. I tried really hard to find a Christian organization to get involved in since I had such a great time with Campus Crusade in Moorhead. I went to Campus Crusade a few times, Chi Alpha, Inter Varsity and Lutheran Campus Ministry. Every time I left I felt even more alone than I did when I showed up by myself. No one talked to me, no one cared that I was there and I eventually just gave up and stopped trying. Looking back, I know that I am just as much to blame. I could have started conversations, I could have reached out to people, but when you struggle with social anxiety, thinking and doing are worlds apart. I remember being really frustrated with God at that point. So many times I just pleaded with him to help me find a group to get connected with. I can't even tell you how many times my prayer was, "I'm trying so hard here God, come on, just help me find somewhere to belong. Isn't that the least you can do for me?" I wanted a relationship with him, but I felt like he was just kind of letting me flail on my own and I wasn't strong enough in my faith to be going at it alone.
Along with not really fitting in anywhere, I was also very single. I just kept telling myself that if I had a boyfriend, life would be better, but no guys were interested in me. Then one day I met a guy named Chris online who went to school at St. Olaf. We started chatting and decided to meet. Our first date went well and he was really sweet. He was in choir and played the guitar, which was super awesome as far as I was concerned. Then came the second date. I'll skip the details but let's just say that there were a lot of "no's" on my part and a lot of "but I want to show you how much I love you's" on his part and he ultimately won the battle. The next I heard from him was that he had been kicked out of school and was moving back home. He was kicked out of school for sexually assaulting two girls, both of whom were also overweight and lacking in self esteem (gee, I wonder why he picked me?). He never loved me, he never even cared about me, and I was completely devastated.
The shame that I carried with me after that was overwhelming (it still creeps up occasionally today). I felt completely worthless and just kept searching for "love" on the interweb hoping I would find someone to make me happy...really not a great idea. I hate how much I felt like I needed to have a boyfriend. I was so independent when it came to doing things on my own. I could change my own oil (with my dad's help), move myself too and from school each year. If it was something that you'd normally need a guy to do, I took pride in doing it on my own, feminism at it's finest...but I desperately wanted someone to tell me that I was beautiful. I just kept searching for someone fill this gigantic "God-sized hole" in my heart when in reality, no guy would never be able to make me whole.
I spent the next year or so spending A LOT of time alone. I didn't party, didn't have a boyfriend and didn't have a car to take me home on the weekend, which in college, pretty much means you are on your own. The dorms clear out on the weekend. I think my only contact with other humans during the weekend was my time at work. I spent pretty much every Friday/Saturday evening the same way: I'd eat a bunch of food that was terrible for me, turn on some really depressing music (usually Dashboard Confessional) super loud, turn out the lights and lay on the floor and cry. It was really awesome.
I changed my major multiple times, I think I went from Music Business to Psychology to Sociology to Finance and I still wasn't completely sure what I wanted to do.
I eventually found a new boyfriend and decided to transfer schools again (half because I wanted to be by him and half because I wanted to have a generic business administration major and Mankato didn't offer that, but Bemidji did). I also had a major falling out with my roommate/best friend from high school a few weeks before I was supposed to be the maid of honor in her wedding. We've sense reconciled, but it was just proof of how relationally challenged I am.
I didn't think life could get much worse, but it definitely did. My boyfriend and his friends were of the partying nature and of course, I decided to join in. It was a toxic environment for me filled with a lot of people who denied the existence of God and thought that Christians were stupid and/or weak. Our relationship didn't last very long after I transferred up there, mostly due to my immaturity and complete inability to communicate my feelings, and of course the fact that I thought a boy was going to be able to fill the void in my life so I had ridiculous expectations of what our relationship should be. It took me a really long time to recover from our breakup since I still saw him frequently. Most of my time spent in Bemidji was filled with anxiety attacks and episodes of severe depression.
I made a couple of REALLY bad decisions in "rebound" boyfriends after that. I dated one guy (a body piercer) for a while who had more than likely killed a guy in his past of drug dealing. That one didn't last too long. I ended it after he picked me up once and had a gigantic bag of weed in his van....apparently it was his mom's, but I didn't buy that. Then I dated another guy who was unemployed and living with a friend who was growing weed in their apartment. We dated for almost a year and then he accused me of cheating on him and broke up with me and two weeks later he was engaged to someone else....I wonder who was actually doing the cheating. I went on a lot of bad first(and only) dates with a lot of guys who had a lot of growing up to do, but I didn't think I was worthy of anything more. Pretty much the only standard I had was that they were interested in me...never a good idea. I was a very lost and lonely girl.
I filled the void with music and pretended to be a punk rock girl. I say pretended because I might have looked like one on the outside, but I was just a sad little emo girl on the inside, nothing punk rock about that. I even have pictures to prove it (as well as a few scars from piercings and a tattoo of a treble cleff on my back)
I think I went to one or more concerts a week at that point in time. I just couldn't get enough. Finch, Something Corporate, Dashboard Confessional, Howie Day, Matt Nathanson (before he was super popular), Good Charlotte, Brand New, New Found Glory, Saves the Day, Say Anything, Taking Back Sunday, Jimmy Eat World...they gave me a reason to keep going. I think everyone at those shows and who was part of that whole sub-culture of people was doing the same thing. Everyone was trying to fill some kind of void in their life with words from bands that were sad and angry at the world.
There was one good thing to come out of my time spent in Bemidji. I had met a guy at the Lutheran Campus Ministry tent during the organization fair that I just knew would be perfect for my little sister. She decided to go to college in Bemidji as well and so naturally, I made her start coming to Lutheran Campus Ministry events with me (at least I wasn't alone anymore). She was not at all into Chris, the guy I wanted her to meet, but eventually we all became friends. Chris however, was completely in to her and the two of us would chat over MSN messenger to try and find a way for them to be together. Eventually, after he had a date with another girl, she decided that maybe she liked him a bit more than a friend and the rest is pretty much history. They will be celebrating their 5 year wedding anniversary this July on the exact same day that their first child is due! I'm super excited and so happy to call Chris my brother in law. My sister's roommate also ended up marrying a friend of my ex boyfriends, so I guess in a way, two people ended up finding the love of their life through my misadventures.
Once I graduated from college and had broken up with unemployed, pot smoking douche, I decided I was completely done. I wasn't going to look for a guy anymore, if it was going to happen, they would find me. I moved in with my mom and started attending a Lutheran church on a regular basis. I knew that I needed God if my life was ever going to get better, slowly but surely, I felt like I was on the right track.
I started hanging out with a couple of friends from high school that still lived in the area and I was enjoying life. Then one day in July/August of 2004 I got an e-mail from some guy named James from some online dating service that I had signed up a few years prior and completely forgotten about. I was torn. I had sworn off Internet dating, but this guy seemed really decent. What was a girl to do??
You'll have to wait until part three to figure that one out :-)
Before I start getting into more posts on the faith aspect of this journey, I thought it might be a good idea to give you a bit more detail on where I've been, where I am and where I'm headed in my relationship with God. I'm breaking it up into pieces so it doesn't get super long, because as I mentioned before, summarizing is not a strength of mine!
God has always been a part of my life, at least from what I can remember. I was raised in the Lutheran church, baptised as an infant and confirmed as a teenager. We went to church every Sunday and I always remember both of my parents serving in some capacity at our church. I remember spending a lot of Saturdays at Our Savior's Lutheran Church with my dad as we were growing up as he helped out with various maintenance, manual labor types of things. I think I knew every inch of that church by memory.
Even with all of the time that I spent in church, I knew about God, but I don't think I ever really knew Him. I don't know that I ever really understood the Gospel. I am, however, completely aware of the first time that I encountered the Holy Spirit. I was 13 and on a trip to Colorado with the youth group from Our Savior's. It was a strange trip for me because I had moved to a different city a year prior with my mom, but my dad still lived (and lives) in New Ulm, so I hadn't spent much time with anyone on the trip over the past year. We spent the first half of the trip doing a Habitat for Humanity project in Loveland and then we spent the second half at Sky Ranch Bible Camp. Our dinner that evening was a "world dinner" where we randomly drew the name of a country from a hat and the country on the tiny sheet of paper determined the meal that we would eat that night. I don't remember the specific country that I drew at this point, but I know that it was somewhere in Africa. The majority of the people were in the same boat as me, huddled into a small spot on the floor. We were served a big bowl of cold, white rice and a pitcher of water to share. Meanwhile, just a few feet in front of us, there were people from the "USA" sitting at a nicely decorated table enjoying a four course meal. As I sat there, the tears just started running down my face. I think I had spent most of my life up until that point feeling sorry for myself because we didn't have a lot by societies standards, but with that perspective, I quickly became aware of how much I take for granted every day and just how blessed I was to live where I live.
Later that evening we had a "chapel" or worship service. We sang what quickly became one of my favorite camp worship songs, "Light the Fire Again". It was a really simple song, but as we sang it, I started to cry again. Tears just kept streaming down my face and I had no idea what was going on. One of my friends had the same thing happen and I remember our youth director just being completely beside herself because she didn't know what to do with us. Looking back, I know that it was just me being filled with the Holy Spirit and completely being aware of the love that God has for me and for EVERYONE.
I got home and dug my mom's guitar out of storage and started to teach myself how to play every single Bible Camp song I could. It is a shame I have hands the size of a 10 year old...guitar playing never really panned out for me, but I tried for a REALLY long time. I even lead the worship time for the elementary school kids at my church during high school.
I think that during the first 18 years of my life, being a Christian to me was more about going to church, doing good things, trying to be a good person and avoiding "bad" things. I didn't read my Bible regularly, but I could (and still can) recite the Apostle's Creed, Nicene Creed, most of the Lutheran Book of Worship and The Lord's Prayer from memory. I had "religion", but I didn't have a "relationship". (totally cliche, but there is a reason for that, because it is so often true)
I think that I definitely developed some good habits and morals during that time, but ultimately, I was pretty much a mess. I was completely driven by a fear of failure (a theme that you will see many times) and OBSESSED with trying to be perfect. I was obsessed with my grades and had a ridiculous case of social anxiety during most of high school and college. I was controlling my own life and rarely, if ever, turned to God for anything other than a selfish prayer, usually involving whatever boy I had unrequited feelings for at the time.
High School finished up. I was Salutatorian of my graduating class (at least before final grades came in...I actually wound up #3...what a failure, or at least that is what I told myself) and got a few scholarships and awards, I was well on my way to success!
I decided to go to Moorhead State University (Go Dragons!) and major in Music Industry. I still had stars in my eyes at that point and thought that I was going to be a producer, manager or sound engineer. I had to take a site singing class and take private flute lessons...that meant that my GPA was completely dependent on my musical ability. I didn't want to make music myself, I just wanted to be surrounded by it and help other people make it. I pretty much suck at site singing and while I was decent at playing the flute, I loathed practicing and was completely freaked out by the thought of "juries" at the end of the semester. That combined with the fact that I got ridiculously home sick being 4 hours away from my family, helped me quickly realize that any career that would require me to move to LA, NYC or Nashvegas was probably not for me.
I did what I would do in any situation where failure (read, anything less than perfection) was imminent and ran as fast as I could to Mankato State University, where I had friends, family and the lovely title of Undeclared. Ironically, the professor I had for sight singing and theory (Dr. Gwiazda or something like that) found out I was transferring and begged me to stay. He told me that I would regret my decision...some days he might be right, but then I wouldn't be the person I am today. I really think he just wanted me to stick around because I ended up tutoring half of the theory class because no one understood the way he taught it but I had learned much of it in high school a different way and was able to explain it to everyone else.
The sad thing about all of this when I look back on it was that if I wasn't so stinking afraid of failure, I was actually in a really good place. Almost immediately when I got to Moorhead, I met some great girls in Dahl Hall, a few of them I'm still in contact with. We quickly got connected in with Campus Crusade for Christ and I started to know and understand the Gospel and started down the road to having an actual relationship with Christ. I was actually having fun and enjoying myself, but I let fear have control of my life and off to Mankato I went....and we'll pick back up there another day :-)
Greetings! In my quest to reach the "Gold" in our "Go for the Gold" challenge at work, I seem to have lost all of my "extra" time in which I would actually get my thoughts out onto this screen. I keep starting blog posts in my head, but by the time I get done with everything that needs to get done each day, I'm exhausted and the only thing that I can find the energy to do is crawl into bed and watch 5 minutes of an episode of Dawson's Creek on Amazon Prime before falling asleep. (I love that Amazon Prime has Dawson's Creek, I'm a sucker for juvenile CW television programs.)
There isn't much to report on the weight loss front. I've been stuck in the same place since my 5K. I'm thinking it is a combination being hungrier with the increase in activity and my body trying to find a new "normal" with the near end of nursing my little Oskar man. The only time he is interested in nursing is in the morning, and I'm not even sure he gets much, but I'm treasuring the time that we get to cuddle in the morning before the day starts moving full speed ahead. He is going to be 1 in just 15 days.
As far as running goes. I started a program to try and increase my 5K speed. I'm about one week in. I'm not sure how it is going to go because my left hip and knee have been really sore. I ran my first long run since the 5K on Saturday and it actually felt really good. Nothing hurt while I was running and I ran 3.5 miles and then walked the last .5 miles because my hip started to get somewhat irritated. It was a beautiful morning and it was basically a time of worship for me. It is a great way for me to actually clear my head and take time to focus on talking to God and lean into him for strength.
I can't remember if I've mentioned previously that I've been reading the book, "Love to Eat, Hate to Eat" by Elyse Fitzpatrick. I wish I had more time to read so that I could get through it quicker because it has been so helpful. I had to pull out my highlighter (I'd be a student forever if I didn't have to pay tuition) because there are just so many great points that I know I'm going to want/need to come back to. I think the following sentence is so valuable and something that I need to reminded of often
"As long as what you eat dominates your affections, thoughts, and behavior-even if you are eating small portions, starving yourself, or insisting on eating only "healthy" foods-your eating is gluttonous because your life is focused on food." - Elyse Fitzpatrick
I'm trying really hard to find a healthy balance in my relationship with food that allows me to eat healthy foods but not be overly focused on it. The same goes for exercise. It is important to me that the number one thing in my life, the thing that fills my thoughts most often, is my desire for God and developing my relationship with Him. I so often fail at getting this right and can easily fall into the trap of being consumed by other things. In the beginning of this adventure, I'd find myself spending so much of my free time looking for ways to improve my running speed or find exercises to do. While those things are helpful, they aren't the most important and I need to keep my thoughts focused on God and he will guide my path and finish the work that he started.
I hope that you all have a safe and enjoyable 4th! I'm excited to spend the day with my kiddos. I'm hoping that we can get out and enjoy a parade and possibly some fireworks despite the heat.
