I honestly didn't think I was going to make it back here and I'm hoping I don't linger here for too long, I'd like to keep things moving. It has been getting very difficult for me to keep the scale moving and I was getting really discouraged last week at how long this whole process is taking, so this was a needed victory. My weight loss goal is very much like my method of running half marathons, very slow, but at a pace that will get me to the finish.
Wednesday has been our date night lately and James sent me a text at work around noon asking if I wanted to go see Fall Out Boy that night. He had been looking at concerts coming to a nightclub close by on Monday and he mentioned Fall Out Boy and I asked how much tickets were because if they were cheap, I would have been interested in going. The tickets were crazy expensive and the show was already sold out, so that was the end of that. However, he remembered the conversation and was looking on Stub Hub yesterday and saw that they had tickets for $20 so he texted me and asked if I still wanted to go. I told him I'd see how I felt when I got home from work because I really didn't feel like I had the energy to go at that point. A few minutes later I had an e-mail with what they had played for an encore at previous shows and one of my favorite songs was the last one they played (I even titled a post in honor of it a while back - Saturday) and I told him to get the tickets.
It was a very last minute decision, which I think is one of the benefits of being a grown up and getting all of my major concert going days out of my system 10 years ago. I didn't care where we were standing or if we missed the opening act, I was just happy to go and not be stressed out about it. Plus, we paid much less for our tickets than anyone else did....I love Stub Hub.
The concert was great, they didn't disappoint. I have seen them live 3 or 4 times before and they always put on a great show and this time was no different.....except I think I had no children last time we saw them. We thought we'd be the oldest people there, but we definitely weren't. Lots of people our age were there, which was kind of fun. It was really kind of fun to hear Pete Wentz talk about coming back after taking a few years off because the world just needed a little less Pete Wentz. It is interesting when you get to see personal growth in the members of a band that you have been listening to for years.
Going to a concert like this brought back so many memories for me. I used to go to concerts ALL THE TIME when I was in college. Even after college and after James and I first got married, we still went to quite a few. I think for a couple of summers, I went to a concert like every week. Most of them were of the emo/punk variety in small venues like the show we went to last night. I really wish I would have done a better job of keeping track of all of them, I don't even remember all of them. A very friendly drunk guy started talking about how he had seen Fall Out Boy at the same venue years ago and the more he started talking about the show, I realized that I had been there too....I had completely forgotten about it!
I thought about how different I am from 10-12 years ago. Music was the only thing keeping me going then, I lived for it and spent nearly all of my money on cds and concert tickets. I was so incredibly broken and unhappy with life and how lonely I always was. I loved being able to just completely shut off the thoughts in my head, crank up the music and listen to songs by other people that had so many familiar thoughts and feelings. So many of the people going to concerts felt the same way, so even if I didn't know them, I somehow felt a little less alone.
I considered myself a Christian then, but I was so far from actually having any clue what that meant. I didn't know Jesus. I didn't understand grace. I didn't feel loved.
Last night I got to spend the night at a concert, right next to a man who found a way to love me then, even though I was a hot mess. We came home to our three children sound asleep in their beds. I wore a sleeveless dress and felt completely comfortable (this is a big deal).
I am so thankful that God didn't give up on me. I was so far from him for so very long, but my heart never stopped searching for a love that only He can provide. When you search for him, you will find him.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord , plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 19:11-13, ESV)If you are feeling lost, unloved, unworthy, defeated, don't give up hope. He has a plan, and it is a good one, I promise. Don't stop searching until you find it.
