He will never fail us

The Daniel Fast continues, except I don't really think I'm going to call it a fast anymore.  I don't feel like I'm fasting, I feel like we've just modified our eating to be like the allowed foods on the Daniel Fast.  On Sunday, I decided I was going to take a half day break from the fast because my dad was coming for a visit and I was making lunch for more than just my kiddos.  I made spaghetti with meat sauce and garlic bread.  I feel like it is rude to prepare something for other people and then not eat it myself, so I joined them.  Later on Sunday, we went to a Halloween deal at my mom's church and we got the kiddos some food.  They didn't eat much and I hadn't eaten yet and I feel awful wasting food, so I ate half of a hamburger and some coleslaw. 

a sad little bear

spidey rocking the bean bag toss

I was back on track yesterday though and have been doing well today.  I'm actually quite pleased with the amount of control I've exercised the past few days.  My mom sent banana bars and banana bread home with us and I haven't touched them.  Her banana bars are pretty much my favorite treat and I usually can't stop myself once I've had one.  I have also stayed far away from Halloween candy.  I don't think I've ever made it to October 30th without completely gorging myself on Halloween candy before.

I know I've mentioned this many times before, but I'm really trying to focus on becoming more prayerful lately.  When I pray, I try to use the P.R.A.Y. method to help keep me focused. 

Praise - Worship and Adoration for God

Repent - Confessing all of the yucky stuff I've done and in my heart

Ask - Specific requests for areas you need God to show up

Yield - Acknowledging that even though this is what you want, God is in control and you are ok with that...basically saying "not my will, but yours"

I found myself feeling like I was being disingenuous during the praise portion of my prayer the other day and it has bothered me since then.  It obviously reveals some things about where my heart is at right now and I am struggling with it.  I know and trust that God is sovereign, mighty, powerful, merciful, awesome, etc.  As as I was proclaiming these words, I had to stop and ask myself if I actually felt that way.  To be completely honest, I had to answer no.  Even though I know that God is all of these things and in my heart I believe them, I have a really hard time feeling it.  I kind of felt that if I haven't truly experienced and felt these attributes of God, then I shouldn't be saying them.

I spent a long time talking with Him to help me be aware of these things so that I can genuinely proclaim them and fully feel them in my heart.  I asked him to help me identify what is going on in my heart that is preventing me from feeling these things.  I'm still waiting to fully figure that out, but I did find a very specific way to pray, the exact same way that Moses prayed in Exodus 33:18 - Moses said, "Please, show me your glory." 

I am faithfully praying that God will show me His glory.  This requires me to be more aware of what He is doing in my life and not taking credit for it myself.  As someone who is by nature an achiever, it is so easy for me to take credit for things but when I stop and look back, it is so plain to see that God had his hand in it.

We sang the song "God is Able" by Hillsong on Sunday morning at church.  We've sung it many times before and I really love it, but this time as I was watching the lyrics on the screen and singing along, I completely broke down

God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us

I just stood there and cried and prayed for the remainder of the song because I couldn't form any words through my quivering lips.  I fully know, feel and believe with all of my heart that God will never fail us because He has never failed me.  He is answering me and showing me His glory.  He is unfailing and I can proudly pray that, so we're off to a start. 

Now I'm off to bake a birthday cake for my little girl.  She turns four years old tomorrow and I can hardly believe it.  Four years ago today I was just starting to go into labor, so excited to be a mom for the very first time.  It is amazing how much can change in four years, and I am loving it!        

Coffee and Convenience

It is day number 5 on the Daniel Fast. 

Like I mentioned in a previous post, we are modifying the fast slightly and our main focus is on avoiding dairy, meat and preservatives.  James told me before we started the fast that he thought I should keep having my Nutella/Aldi Berryhill Hazelnut Spread in the morning since I actually found a breakfast that I will eat with regularity.  Nutella pretty much doesn't fit into the fast at all, but I was very happy with his recommendation because it is allowing me to keep a good routine down.

I have been having oatmeal with 1/1.5 tablespoons of Nutella and a banana pretty much every morning for the past three weeks or so.  It keeps me satiated for much longer than most breakfast foods.  So while the Nutella might not be a great choice, it is much better than the coffee and donut(s) that I used to get from the gas station in the morning.  I tried to replace Nutella with peanut butter the other day and it was not good. 

I think the thing I'm missing the most right now is actually coffee.  I wouldn't consider myself addicted to coffee or caffeine, I can easily go without it.  I just really enjoy my morning and mid afternoon coffee.  I had small group on Wednesday evening and we meet at Caribou and I thought about being really naughty and getting a delicious coffee beverage, but instead I got a Sparkling Mint Lime White Tea, which also doesn't fit the fast, but it was somehow more appropriate in my mind. 

The other thing that gets a bit tricky when fasting is convenience.  There isn't much convenience foods that fit into the fast and I needed something today.  This morning was rough.  Getting myself and three kids out the door in the morning is a bit like playing Russian Roulette.  Some mornings are fine and everyone is compliant and we get out the door with no issues.  Other mornings, it is a disaster and I think someone is filming my life and laughing.  Yesterday morning was one of those mornings.  As I was trying to dress a screaming two year old who didn't agree with my choice of socks, my half naked almost four year old stood at my side sobbing because she didn't want to wear pants with her dress (Minnesota weather makes life with independent children difficult) and then suddenly proceeded to empty her bladder on the rug at my feet…apparently she forgot to use the bathroom before the pants freakout.  Cleaning up an ocean of pee wasn't really in my plans for the morning and I didn’t have time to get my lunch together.

I ended up running to the Rainbow by my office and decided to see if I could find anything by Amy's Kitchen.  I love Amy's frozen meals, but they are so expensive so I don't get them very often.   I decided to give the Black Bean Tamale Verde a shot since it pretty much completely fit in the fast.  

 

It was delicious, I think I'm going to have to try and replicate it at home.

I'm not sure if it is the fast or restarting the couch to 5k at a faster pace, but the numbers on the scale are dropping quickly.  I lost about 4 pounds this week alone.  It is nice to see some progress again.  The crazy thing is that I've gone over my calorie limit nearly every single day, but still seeing movement, so I am pretty happy.  I'm not expecting this to last that long, but I'll take it to get me motivated again.

We've got lots of fun stuff going on this weekend, I'm sure I'll be exhausted by the end of the day on Sunday.

Thanks for reading, hope you all have a wonderful weekend!   

Rules

I love rules.  I have pharisaical tendencies.

This is something that I've kind of always known about myself, but I tend to forget at times.  I'm the type of person that likes to be told what to do and I enjoy following the directions in Ikea packages.  I don't do well with the undefined.  Asking me to come up with a "vision" for something is enough to make me hurl because I don't do well with thinking of things outside of my little world.  I'm completely comfortable getting outside of my world as long as someone tells me how to get there.   

Rules, schedules, order, directions, routines....they are all things that I find to be completely necessary in my life.  I am far more disciplined when I have these things in place.  That is why this journey is particularly difficult for me at times.

I desperately want someone to just tell me, eat this, this and that and do this and you will loose all of the weight that you want.  Yes, it is as easy a making sure you burn more calories than you consume, but the options for consuming and burning are endless.  It leaves too much wiggle room for me.  I need more structure.

I lasted one week off of a training schedule after my 10K before I realized that I needed to do something new that would keep me in a routine with set times and miles.  I was excited about just being able to do whatever I wanted, but I quickly realized that didn't work for me.  I decided to re-start the Couch to 5K Program with my own slight modifications.  This time, during the walking intervals, I'm running at my normal, super slow pace (13:00/13:30 minute miles) and during the running intervals, I'm kicking it up to 10:00 minute miles (6 mph).  I finished Week 2 Day 1 on Monday and it is going much easier than I thought it would be.  When I started last time around back in March, I flew off the treadmill when I tried to do 6 mph, so I'll call it progress. 

Then of course, we have the endless choices for calories going in.....choices which I've been struggling significantly with over the last three weeks.  I just can't seem to get back on track, I start the day off really well, but then I always get derailed some time after lunch.  I need to reset.

James has been wanting to do The Daniel Fast for quite a while.  I kept making all kinds of excuses for why it wasn't the right time, but now, I've finally given in.  I'll write a longer, more detailed blog about the Daniel Fast soon, but for those of you who aren't familiar with it, it is a fast based out of Daniel Chapter 10. He ate only "plain and simple" foods during a 3 week time of prayer and fasting.

There are many iterations of the fast, but the main focus is to eat only fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts & seeds and legumes.  No meat, dairy, preservatives, sugar, processed foods, etc.....which makes preparation an essential part of this fast.  We have done the fast before, in January of 2008, which just happens to be when I got pregnant with our first kiddo.

We technically started the fast today, but since I hadn't planned/prepared well enough, I'm considering tomorrow my actual start day.  We're not being completely legalistic and are allowing some wiggle room since we've still got three kiddos to feed, but for the most part, we are following the plan.     

I am hoping that three weeks of cutting out the things that are easily accessible and convenient for me to fill my mouth with, will help me get back on track.    

I need to get on track not only with eating and exercise, but also in my daily time with God.  Sine I am so into routines, I'm also very into lists.  Reading my Bible at the end of the day is on my list of things to do.  I've found myself trying to rush through my reading plans so that I can mark it as complete and I'm not taking the time to actually absorb the words.  I decided to cut back on the amount of reading that I do each day so that I actually take more time to focus on the little portions that I am reading.  I need to constantly remind myself that I'm not reading it to cross it off, but because I want to know and understand God on another level.  

I hope to be back in a few days with a good report!  Hope you are all enjoying October, it is flying by!  We've already been enjoying some Halloween festivities.