The Never Ending Struggle

It has been a while since my last update, so I thought I should take the time to write something tonight.  However, my mind doesn't seem to be very cohesive tonight and I'm not confident that I can synthesize all of the random things I would like to touch on so I'm just going to give you a bunch of random bullet points on the past couple weeks and where my head is at today.  So here it goes

• I received a lot of great feedback on Facebook and in person after my last post and I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who took the time to comment.  I'm so glad that I'm not alone in my thinking and that others were able to feel less alone in their day to day struggles with the sharing of my behind the scenes.  I'm thinking of making it a a weekly thing if I can find the time.

• I have been struggling in the health department lately.  In the late winter/early spring I had some issues with feeling nauseous all the time and after a few doctor trips, they determined it was GERD and put me on some medicine to help.  Two weeks ago, the same symptoms came back and have been lingering.  It is like having morning sickness (which for me was all day sickness) without growing a baby.  As a result, my appetite and food choices have been completely out of whack and I'm struggling big time with finding some balance and feeling well.  

•  James and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary on the 29th.  We didn't actually do much of anything that day, but on Monday night we went to a concert with my sister and her husband.  We saw Twin Forks at The Triple Rock.  Twin Forks is the newest musical endeavor by Chris Carrabba (Dashboard Confessional).  I have mentioned my love for Dashboard Confessional in other posts - basically, it was music that completely resonated with me during some of the most depressing years of my life.  He wrote and performed music that spoke to my soul and made me feel less alone in my feelings....it is super depressing music and I have a hard time listening to it now because of all the emotions that I associate with it.  Twin Forks is quite the opposite.  I guess I'd call them a cross between Americana/Bluegrass/Folk with a little bit of Irish Pub Rock thrown in.  There wasn't many people at all at the concert which meant a super intimate show and the chance to meet them afterward!!!  They were so nice and it was great to chat for a bit.  They played covers of I Saw the Light and Blister in the Sun....that kind of mix doesn't usually happen, but it was perfectly suitable for my musical tastes, so I loved it.  I totally recommend checking out their EP, it is super fun and catchy and my kiddos love to dance to it.  You can take a listen on Sound Cloud.

James through this little collage together

• We had planned to go out for an anniversary dinner prior to the concert, but I had a 5 mile run to do on Monday and it took a little bit longer than I planned on and we got going a bit late so we didn't get to go out until after the show.  We were just trying to think of things that would be open and ended up at The Blue Door Pub, the same place we went for my birthday.  I ordered the special called the Hullabalucy.  It was a burger stuffed with blue cheese and mashed sweet potatoes with a maple mushroom aioli.  When I took the first bite I kind of felt like I wanted to just curl up in bed with my burger because it was so delicious.....these are the kinds of thoughts I have about food at 11pm after a really long day.

• With the above mentioned nausea, finding the energy and proper nutrition to run has been a challenge lately.  I've been doing my best to keep up with my training plan and I've only missed one run, but I really feel like this training plan is kicking my butt.  I am sore, tired and ravenous pretty much all the time.  I feel like my legs are starting to revolt.  I was talking with James about this tonight because I really struggle with knowing what is the voice of self-doubt in my head and what is the voice of reason.  There aren't a lot of people who are 60 pounds overweight talking about training for a half marathon and how that is going for them.  I'm not looking for someone to compare myself to, I'm just wanting to know what common experiences are for other runners my size, and it has been hard to find any info.  I wish there was some way to know what is "too much" for me running at this weight and what I just need to push through.  One thing is for sure, training for half marathons is not conducive to weight loss for me.  I might lose a few pounds one week, but then feel like I'm starving all the time the next week and over eat to compensate.  I'm having a difficult time finding balance right now.  

• I'm not making the declaration yet, but I think this might be my last half marathon, at least until I'm at my goal weight.  I'm thinking I might stick to 10Ks in the future and kind of make that "my distance" for races.  I'm also toying with the idea of training for the YWCA Triathlon in 2014.  Only problem with that is that I despise biking and sold my bike a while back so I'd have to get a new one and that isn't in the budget.  I'll be watching Craig's List for a really great deal.

• I've been listening to the latest sermon series by The Village Church (Matt Chandler) called Recovering Redemption.  It has been really helpful for me.  Matt has such a gift at speaking the truth with grace.  If you need to find freedom from anything in your life, I highly recommend checking the series out.  

• I am at 55% of my goal for my Team World Vision fundraising!  I would LOVE to reach 100% and would be forever grateful if you would consider sponsoring me in this effort.  Honestly, a $1 donation would let me know that you are out there and support me in this - plus, there is the even bigger benefit of HELPING KIDS HAVE CLEAN WATER!!!  You really wouldn't believe how motivating it has been for me to know that I'm doing this for a purpose so much bigger than myself.  If I wasn't running for these kids, I would have quit by now, I know that much.   

• I'm really struggling with my boys right now.  They are fighting non stop - there has been biting, hitting, pinching, yelling, screaming, stealing and crying nearly every minute of the day around here lately and it is wearing me down.  Normal 2 year old behavior doesn't mix well with a 3 year who has trouble regulating his emotions and using words.

I think that about does it for now.  I'll try to have a more inspiring and cohesive post soon, but this is where I am today.

I made a new before/now picture that I needed to remind myself how far I've come after a couple of crappy eating days.

Thanks for reading - now check out some Twin Forks!

The Number One Preventable Cause of Death

I don't know about you, but this doesn't sit very well with me.  I thought it would be obesity or lung cancer.  Instead it is something that we have an abundance of, clean water.  Nearly everyone in this country has access to clean water with the turn of a knob or the push of a button.  It is simple for us, but it isn't that way for everyone. 

Here are some facts from World Vision:

• More than 6,000 children under age 5 die each day from diseases spread by unsafe water or lack of basic sanitation and hygiene. 
• Almost 900 million people lack access to safe water.
• 443 million school days per year are lost to water-related illness.

But, do you want to know the good news?

World Vision is doing incredible things to reduce those numbers and ensure that kids and families in Africa and Haiti have access to clean and safe water.  The people at World Vision partner with the communities and uses the resources available to come up with effective and sustainable solutions to provide clean water.  They get the community involved and invested in the projects, which I believe, is the best way to help people.

For all of these reasons, when I heard about the opportunity to join Team World Vision for the Monster Dash Half Marathon, it was a no brainer.  I have been looking for ways that God can use this journey that I am to help others, and this is undeniably a way that I can do just that.

I have a goal of raising $1,310 to help provide access to clean water.  That is $100 for every mile that I will be running.  $1,310 is enough to provide clean water for 26 people for an entire generation.  

Here is where you come in :-)

I would be extremely grateful if you would be willing to support me financially and help me reach my goal of providing water for 26 people.  I know that $50 is a lot of money and most of you don't have that kind of cash sitting around.  No worries!  A donation of ANY size would help get me closer to my goal.  $1, $5, $13.10....whatever you feel called to give is getting us one step closer to helping our brothers and sisters in Haiti in Africa.  If it doesn't fit in your budget right now, no problem, you can donate any time between now and October 26.  (I won't hound you, but the link to give will stay in the upper right hand corner of my blog.)

Everyone deserves clean water.  Everyone needs clean water.  You can help them get it.

Click Here to Provide Clean Water

Thank you!

(P.S. It isn't too late to join the team.  Please let me know if you would like to join our team and run for water!)

Finding Joy in Slow....A Half Marathon Story

(If you aren't into TMI kinds of stories, then you'll probably just want to skip everything past the first four paragraphs....more detail than anyone wanted to know I'm sure, but it is what it is!)

I did it!

My first half marathon is in the books.  The weather was perfect, we couldn't have had a nicer day.  It was cool and humidity was low and the sun was shining by the end of the race, perfect in my books!

I woke up at 3:30am and started getting ready, left by 4:15 and headed downtown to catch a shuttle to the starting line.  I got there with plenty of time to spare, I probably could have slept half an hour longer, but I'd rather by early than late.  I got to the starting area around 5:00 and the race started at 6:30, so I sat around quite a bit just mentally preparing myself.

I headed to the starting line at 6:00 and found the 12+ minute pace flags and got lined up there and was quickly greeted by a friend from work.  It was nice to see a familiar face and chat a bit before the race started.

The race started promptly at 6:30 and I crossed the starting line right around 6:35.  I was very focused on maintaining a slow pace even though people were passing all around me.  I just kept my eyes forward and got in my own zone.  I started the race listening to a couple of messages from Elevation church....very good decision.  I got filled up and really felt good about how things were starting.

As each mile passed and RunKeeper read me my pace, I was a bit scared and a bit excited all at the same time.  For the first 8 miles, my pace was right around 12:55 a mile or so and I was shooting for a 13:30 pace.  I was tempted to slow things down, but I felt really good so I just kept going at the pace I was at.  Even though my legs and lungs felt great, my stomach started to give me some trouble pretty much immediately and I contemplated stopping at the 2, 4 and 6 mile points to use the restroom, but I kept going too afraid to stop because the lines were long and I was making such good time.

When I finally arrived at the 8 mile check point, which also happened to be a relay exchange point, there were finally some satellite toiles with no line so I quickly jumped in.  My intestines were pretty much in full on revolt mode at that point, but I was determined to keep going and try to keep the pace I was at......except that didn't really happen.

The first mile after taking the break I felt good again, but then the stomach issues creeped back in.  I ended up walking quite a bit during mile 10, but I was trying to keep a quick walking pace so that I didn't get too far off track from meeting my goal.

Miles 8 thru 12 are pretty much a blur.  I had to stop and use the restroom again around mile 11.5 or so, right before crossing the Stone Arch Bridge.  I knew my family was going to be in the area after the Stone Arch Bridge, so as I was crossing it I was kind of looking out for them and I spotted them in the distance and was able to wave to them.  I swear to you, that bridge has gotten much longer since the last time I was on it.....but that was a casual stroll and this most definitely was not.  I felt like I was never going to get across that stupid bridge to the point in the race where we were on the last stretch. 

I finally made and saw my kiddos holding up signs and screaming "Go Mommy!" with the biggest smiles on their faces.  I ran over and gave them high fives and I choked back the tears.  It was so wonderful to see them and to hear their cute little voices, it gave me the strength I needed to make it to the end because I was VERY tired at that point.  My feet and hips were killing me but I knew I was close. 

I finally made it up the last hill and hit the point where it was all down hill to the finish.  Seeing the river at the bottom of the hill was the most glorious site I had ever seen!  I started looking for the finish line because my phone had just told me that I had reached 13 miles and I started tracking just steps away from the starting line.  I saw the finish and thought it was closer than it was, but we had to run past it a little bit and then work our way back.  I really didn't think I was going to make it at that point, but when I finally turned the last corner with nothing standing between the finish line and me, I started running as hard as I possibly could. 

The gun timer showed 3:05 something when I crossed so I quickly grabbed my phone to stop tracking and see what the time on my phone said.  This is what I saw on my phone

It is very evident by my splits that mile 8 is when things started to fall apart for me. 

Between my phone time and the gun time, my hopes of finishing in under 3:00 seemed somewhat possible, but I really wasn't sure.  Runkeeper paused while I was in the bathroom, so I knew my time was a little bit longer than this, but I was hoping that  I would have made it. 

So I sat in suspense until I was able to get home and check the online results but I still felt pleased since I definitely met my finishing around 3:00 goal.

After I crossed the finish line, I got my medal and some snacks and then found a picnic table close to the river to sit down and call my husband.  They were close by and were on their way to meet me, yay!  I wasn't expecting them to be at the finish, so it was a really nice surprise. 

We snapped a few pictures

Me and the two "big kids"....don't ask me what he is wearing or what he is doing, he is his own man.



My mom and me (she helped out a ton with our house and kids this weekend, thanks mom!)

 

 

My mom got some more pictures with her camera, but I haven't gotten them yet, I'll make sure I update this with them when I have the rest. 

 

We eventually started heading back to our cars, we both ended up parking in the same lot, so it was nice to be able to walk back with them.  It was about a 3/4 mile walk or more back to the car and we had to go back up the hill that we came down at the end, so it was a very slow and painful walk back to the car. 

 

My mom rode back with me while James took the kiddos.  As we were on our way home, I heard my phone make the noise it makes when I get a text or e-mail.  I checked and it was an e-mail with my official race results...

 

I was a little bit bummed that I didn't have a 2 at the beginning, but I'm still happy that I was able to finish this close to 3:00.  If my stomach hadn't decided to revolt against me, I know I would have for sure met that goal, so I will be shooting for it again in October( and hopefully I'll figure out how to keep my stomach under control between now and then)!

 

And honestly, I think the course was longer than 13.1 miles since I started my phone about 5 feet from the starting pad and stopped it about 20 feet from the finish pad.  Every time I tried to map the route on Google Maps, I kept coming up with 13.48.  Other people I know that had their GPS trackers on ended up with close to the same distance as me, so I'm sticking to my theory that it was about .3 miles longer. 

 

Oh well, either way it was a successful first half marathon in that I finished and I set a good, realistic goal for myself. 

 

I told my mom that I'm not sure I'll do another half after I do the Monster Dash in October, but I also said I would never do anything more than a 10K after I finished the 10K last November.

 

In just under a year's time, I went from barely making it through my very first 5K with a time of 38:32 weighing 285 pounds, to running a half marathon in 3:01:20 weighing 244 pounds.  Numerically, it is slow progress, but mentally, I have overcome barriers that I never thought I would get past.   

 

There is absolutely no way that I would have been able to do any of this if it wasn't for the strength and hope that I find in an Amazing God.  He has given me a resolve to get this done.  To make a better me and do it for His glory, and I felt so incredibly blessed today as I was out there on that course that he would be so good to me.

 

I repeated these verses in my head over and over before and during the race

 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2, ESV

If he found joy in dying a horrible death for me, surely I can find joy in having the strength and endurance to run 13.1 miles while kicking a lifetime of obesity to the curb.  I have been changed and no matter how slowly I may lose the weight or run the race, my mind has been transformed and I am a stronger and healthier person than I have ever been before.  Today, I am finding joy in slow, because in that slowness comes a whole lot of time to reflect on how blessed I am.     
 

Change in Plans

Happy Monday!

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and enjoyed the Super Bowl.  I'm not sure I actually paid attention to any of the game or commercials, but had a lot of fun with my family.  My fun included a lot more food than one person should consume in any given day, but I had planned for a day off so I'm back at it this morning.

We're still passing the crud back and forth in our house and I seem to have gotten some of it and haven't been feeling 100% since Saturday so this weekend was pretty low-key.  I did take Lena (oh yeah, by the way, we got a puppy for Christmas) for a walk yesterday.  We went for a two mile walk and my lungs were not at all happy.  It is really sad that 9 degrees feels warm to me lately.  

13 week old Lena - she loves to bite, jump and pee on the floor, but we still love her

 

  So, on to the change in plans.  We've been doing the American Cancer Society "Active for Life" challenge at work.  It is a 10-Week team challenge and we are 2 weeks in with week 3 starting today.  We have 33 people on our team, which is pretty awesome.  We've been trying to come up with a few group activities that we can do together and there are quite a few runners on the team.  A few of the ladies on our team are training together to run the Minneapolis Half Marathon in June.  They tried talking me into it a few weeks ago and I quickly turned them down thinking that June was too soon and I wouldn't be able to do it.  Last week, one of the people running it asked me again and I started thinking a bit more about it.  I looked at the website on Saturday night and saw this



http://www.minneapolismarathon.com/half-marathon-info.html

The course is open for 3 hours and 30 minutes and it is a walker-friendly event.  I can do this!  My only goal is to finish, I'm not going to worry about pace/time, just going to focus on making it 13.1 miles.

I'm going to wait and see how this goes before signing up for the Monster Dash Half Marathon, but I think I'd like to do both of them, that way my entire year is pretty much planned out with goals to reach.    

My co-workers are following the Jeff Galloway training plan so I am going to follow that one as well.  I really like it because there is only one long run each week and when the miles start increasing it really becomes a long run every other week.



 

So training starts today with an off day.  I'm looking forward to a challenge, I desperately need them to keep me motivated, it is so easy for me to start making excuses to not be active if I don't have a goal to work towards.   

Anyone want to join me???  :-)  If I can do it, anyone can do it!