Playing in the Mud

I suppose an actual update is in order, it has been far to long.  I really don't understand how life can be so busy when I don't even have kids in school yet and none of them are in any activities...

Weight Loss:  I really wish I had some progress to report here, but I really don't.  I've been loosing and gaining the same stinking 5 pounds for the last two months and it is getting really annoying.  I somehow manage to loose weight when I'm not exercising, but as soon as I start exercising again, the weight comes right back on.  I'm starting to track my calories with My Fitness Pal to try and figure out what the crap is going on because I am very frustrated.  I'm finding it really difficult to find healthy food options that can be prepared quickly and with little effort and don't require frequent trips to the grocery store.  Any recommendations are completely welcomed (and encouraged!).   

Running:  Again, frustration.  I just can't seem to improve my pace and I would really like to.  I've been getting out for a run at least 3 days a week on a pretty regular basis and have been trying to do a long run/walk on Saturday mornings.  I've been doing a 3 to 3.5 mile jog followed by a 1.5 to 2 mile walk and ending up around 5 miles.  I'm toying with the idea of signing up for the TC 10K in October.  It seems like somewhat of a lofty goal, but I think I might just go for it and have something to work towards.  James reminded me that people who have been running for quite some time work for months to shave seconds off of their times.  I would just really like to run a consistant 12:00 mile pace, that is still really slow, but it would be significant for me.   

Dirty Girl: Soooo much fun!  I loved it and am looking forward to next year.  It was really empowering for me to be able to do all of the obstacles, including the wall, which I was really thinking I wouldn't be able to get over.  I really think every woman should do it at least once.  My toes still have traces of mud (a week out) but no amount of scrubbing seems to be getting rid of it.

Here are a few pictures of the fun

Me Before

 

Group Before

James and I after

He came to show his support and got some muddy hugs at the end.  His car is still covered in mud because the little place they had to rinse off didn't really look like a pleasant option since I was already cold, so I decided to just head home and take a warm shower to get cleaned off.

Job: After much thought, prayer and soul searching, I decided to accept a different position within Fairview.  I'll be starting with our IT team as a Senior Analyst on the Acute EHR team in September.  I was burnt out on Epic after all of our go-lives so my current position writing reports and analyzing data for periop was a welcome change, but I found myself missing being in the IT realm.  I'm going to miss Periop, since it is really all I know, but I'm looking forward to learning something new and learning more about myself. 

We're headed on our first camping trip as a family of 5 this week, so prayers for pleasant weather and patience on everyone's part would be appreciated!  I'm hoping to have some great stories when we return.    

              

My Story: God is for God

Sorry to leave you hanging on the last post...well, actually, maybe not, but I'm glad that some of you are at least reading and curious what happened next :-)

In January of 2012 I had started shifting my time in the evening away from hours of Facebook, Netflix, other useless garbage toward things that might actually produce some fruit.  I rarely ever turn on live television anymore because I just don't believe that there is anything of value on it most days (I will be watching Downton Abbey when it is back on), but we have a Roku in our bedroom and in our workout area which allows me to watch things of value on my television screen.  I had scanned through the "Religion/Spiritual" channels on the Roku and added a few "channels" that I was familiar with.  After the kids were in bed, I'd start listening to sermons from North Point Church in Georgia, Harvest in California, Life Church in Oklahoma and Elevation Church in North Carolina.  (How awesome is technology??)  

In January, Elevation Church was airing 12 nights of live broadcasts online and via the Roku for their Code Orange Revival.  The first couple of nights were great, but I didn't really learn anything new, mostly just stuff that I already knew and had heard framed a different way (I'll have an entire post about that sometime in the future).  Then night number three rolled around and I had the chance to hear from a pastor that I had never heard of before.  Matt Chandler, from The Village Church in Texas took the stage and God used Matt's sermon (called God is for God) to produce a HUGE change in my life.  When it was done, I just sat there for a moment completely energized and excited about what I had just heard.  That doesn't happen very often for me.

I strongly encourage people to watch that sermon if you have grown up in a church that puts a strong emphasis on what God can do for you.  The main point of Matt's sermon, which is pretty easy to decipher by the title, is that God works through each and every one of us for one ultimate purpose, to glorify his name.  He went through verse after verse where this is clearly laid out in the Bible, many which I had heard before, but I never really fully grasped.  One of the verses he mentions I'm sure pretty much everyone has heard.  

1  The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.2  He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.t3  He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousnesst
for his name's sake.  (Psalm 23)

Did you catch that last line?  I always glossed right over it an never gave it much thought.  For HIS name's sake.  He is so good, so merciful, so full of grace because He wants to have His name glorified.  I think this could make people have two reactions, you would either think he was incredibly jealous and start spouting off bad things that have happened to people that you love, or you could realize how monumentally life changing that can be.  The latter was obviously where my mind went.  

I think I was so unchanged and so stunted in growing in my faith prior to hearing this because I never fully grasped why God is so good.  Prior to this, I was so focused on ME and what God could do for ME.  I couldn't really truly understand his love for ME because I knew my past, I knew my thoughts and I knew how unworthy I was of his love and grace.

I'm reading the book Radical by David Platt right now and I just read this piece last night that so summed up where I had been at for so long.

God loves me.

Me.

Christianity's object is me.

Therefore, when I look for a church, I look for the music that best fits me and the programs that best cater to me and my family.  When I make plans for my life and career, it is about what works best for me and my family.  When I consider the house I will live in, the car I will drive, the clothes I will wear, the way I will live, I will choose according to what is best for me.  This is the version of Christianity that largely prevails in our culture.

But it is not biblical Christianity.

The message of biblical Christianity is not "God loves me, period," as if we were the object of our own faith.  The message of biblical Christianity is "God loves me so that I might make him--his ways, his salvation, his glory, and his greatness--known among all nations."  Now God is the object of our faith, and Christianity centers around him.  We are not the end of the gospel; God is.

Knowing, believing and understand that it isn't about me, it is about Him has extraordinary implications.  I don't have to be perfect, I never will be, He is going to love me and make good out of my life because I love Him, no matter what. 

After I heard this message, I was enthused about living life.  I wanted to do everything I could do bring glory to God's name.  Part of this for me was just to know and understand more about the Bible.  I don't look at reading through the Bible as another thing to cross off my list now but rather as a way to learn more and decide for myself what I believe.  I have more discernment when I listen to messages or read something written by someone professing to be "Christian". 

I started listening to more of Chandler's messages from The Village Church and have learned so much.  He is a gifted teacher and God so perfectly orchestrated the timing of hearing his message in my life.

I think that Matt Chandler's sermon was my major, "A-ha!" moment, but there have been other factors that have helped me start the sanctification process and see the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.

In addition to reading my Bible on a daily basis and actually looking forward to that, I've also been diligent about reading Christian books.  I read Love to Eat, Hate to Eat by Elyse Fitzpatrick and it was also extremely helpful in helping me understand why turning to food is a sinful behavior for me and how I can pray to be filled with the Holy Spirit to break the addiction to food and turn to God instead.  If you struggle with food and make it a priority in your life, whether that means eating too much, to little or simply obsessing over every little thing you eat, I highly recommend reading the book. 

Other books that I've read lately that have solidified my beliefs and helped me further grasp what God has been so graciously trying to get me to understand have been Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman and The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler.

I was listening to a sermon by Mark Driscoll today and he was talking about how when you are an actual Jesus loving Christian and you are striving to be more like Christ, He will fill you with desires to do things that will glorify Him and give you the resources needed to do them.  I am definitely feeling this way and am so excited for the work that God wants to do through me.

If you haven't been able to tell, I am excited!  I am so looking forward to seeing what God will do and very much feeling his presence.  Another part of this growth has been meeting regularly with a group of women who also love God and desire to have a deep relationship with Him.  I think it is so important to have people in your life that you can discuss your faith life with that will pray for you and challenge you.  One of my friends had been praying for me in a very specific way, a way that I didn't even know I needed to be prayed for, but God has responded in a big way to her prayer and I am so extremely thankful. 

I could go on and on about all of the various revelations I've had recently and all of the things that have come to light, but I think I'll just break them up into future posts because this would get REALLY long if I actually tried to get everything I think about and all of the changes that I've seen in one post.

The one piece that I want to spend more time on in this post is the overwhelming sorrow that I feel when I look in my life and see so many people that I love getting stuck in the same place that I was.  Getting stuck in religion without fully knowing and understanding the love and grace that God offers us freely.  So many people I know that would consider themselves to be Christians will mock the excitement that I have.  They will try to pass it off as extreme, creepy, not for them, what have you.

I so strongly desire that everyone would have a real, authentic relationship with the One who made them.  Fully knowing, loving and understanding God and accepting the free gift of grace is life changing.  Romans 6:20-23 is so crucial to understand

 20 For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness.21 But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

I think so many non-Christians or even people who consider themselves Christians but don't actually know Jesus feel that being a Christian is restrictive and will inhibit them in some way, I don't know of anything more inhibiting than death.  There is LIFE and freedom in His arms and you just have to take it.  You don't need to be perfect, you don't need to be doing everything right.  People suck, plain and simple, but God loves us and Jesus died for us and for all of our past, present and future sins.  He knows what you have done, he knows what you are going to do and nothing keeps him from loving you. 

It seriously breaks my heart when people I love try to walk through this world without knowing Jesus.  I think the best way I've heard lately to frame up your relationship with Jesus is whether or not you are excited about spending eternity with Him in heaven.  If that doesn't excite you, if you aren't enthused about seeing his face and giving him a great big hug, then I think  you owe it to yourself to re-evaluate your relationship.  If you don't know Him and are even remotely curious, I would love to have a conversation with you and try to answer any questions that you might have and would love to have you attend church with my family.  Just e-mail me and I will do whatever I can to connect with you.

I'll try to wrap it up here, but just know this; I'm growing, I don't have all the answers, I'll never claim to be an expert on the Bible, Christianity or Jesus, but I am trusting in Him and in the life that He has planned for me.  I will still encounter troubles, having Chris in my life doesn't ensure that I'll be problem free, but I can get through the struggles with Him and know that He will use it for good.

So that is the story of my faith and the new creation that I am in Christ.  I hope you stick around to see where He takes me!   

I'll leave you with a song again.  We sang it at church this weekend and it has been in my head since then. 

 

My Story:Getting there

I'm back for the second to last installment of the "My Story" entries.  I finished up the last entry by talking about our first trip to Eagle Brook Church in Lino Lakes.

Eagle Brook is quite different than the church I grew up in or any other church I had attended.  The worship band was REALLY good and the message actually made sense and applied Biblical knowledge to every day life.  We quickly made going to EBC a regular part of our weekend.  It took me a while to fully adjust to the shift from a traditional ELCA service out of the lovely Lutheran Book of Worship into a new format, but I was learning so much more than I ever had before. 

After attending for a few months, I decided that I needed to get plugged into a serving role.  I started serving in Kid-o-Deo, the early childhood ministry, in the Pre-K1 room at the White Bear Lake campus.  Getting involved in a serving role quickly made such a huge church feel smaller and I began forming connections and friendships.  I couldn't believe how much 3, 4 and 5 year olds were learning and retaining each week.  There are three year olds at our church that can probably recite more memory verses and Bible stories than an average adult, it is fantastic. 

James and I decided that we wanted to become members and part of membership is "Believer's Baptism".  We were both baptised as infants, but came to learn and understand much more about what the Bible actually says about baptism.  Baptism is not salvation.  It will not get you into heaven.  It is a public declaration of your faith in Christ and should be a decision that you make on your own, not something that your parents decide for you.  If you are interested in learning more about EBC's stance on baptism, you can check it out here.  We "took the plunge" in a little lake on July 23, 2006.  It was such an awesome thing to be baptised together with my husband. 

We also joined a small group together and started meeting regularly with some other couples to dig into the Bible and learn more about how God wants us to live.  I also attended a Women's Bible Study during the week which was a WONDERFUL experience. 

I was doing the "Big 3" (attendingt church on the weekend, Serving and being part of a small group) but still something just wasn't right.  I was in a management position under a director who was very into micro managing every single detail.  It was my first actual full time job and I had no idea what I was doing.  I was a big ball of anxiety for most of those three years and attribute a lot of my weight gain to the stress of that job.  

I was just so anxious and depressed that I eventually found myself sitting in front of a psychologist trying to work through some issues.  I went to a Christian psychologist who made a big part of my "treatment" forcing me to know and understand who I was in God's eyes.  He gave me a printed off sheet that had numerous Bible verses that reminded me of exactly who I am...much different than the lies I had told myself for so many years.  He was so successful that I actually worked up the courage to start an M.B.A. program at Bethel University. 

I think I mentioned in one of my last posts that I'm a bit torn about getting my M.B.A.  I feel like I grew a lot during the program, but I really wish I hadn't taken out loans to pay for the program and I wish I had waited until I had been working a bit longer to know what I actually want to do.  If I could do it all over again, I probably would have gotten a MATS (Master of Arts in Theological Studies) degree instead of an M.B.A, but I wouldn't trade the confidence, knowledge and friendships that I formed during that time for anything.  I learned a lot about what it means to be servant leader and a lot of our classes brought us back to what leadership looks like from a Biblical perspective.

I got pregnant and had my first kiddo during the program and I was pregnant with my second during commencement.  I went from my first full time job (2004) to marriage (2005) to a masters program (2007-2009) to being a mom (2008, 2009, 2011) in a short period of time and honestly, 2007 thru 2011 are pretty much a blur to me.  There was so much going on and being perpetually in the newborn and terrible two phase had left very little time for me to actually spend time with God and grow in my faith.  

During those years, I very much felt like I was a "Christian".  Like I was doing everything God wanted me to be doing and that I was on the right track, but yet, when I look back, I feel like I wasn't growing at all.  There were little bits of growth here and there, but I was still very much an "infant" in my faith.  It was very much like Paul addresses in his letter to the church in Corinth

But I, brothers,^[a] could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. ²  I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, ³ for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? (1 Corinthians 3:1-3)

I was trying to be a Christian but still keep control of my life.  I have control issues, big ones.  I don't know that people who don't spend much time with me would realize it, but when it comes to my life and my destiny, the decisions that I make and the things that will affect me, I desperately want to be in control!  I don't like situations, experiences where I can't predict or control the outcome.  It is an exhausting way to live.   

My need to be in control greatly hindered my ability to grow in my faith.  I was growing in knowledge and understanding more about the Bible and how God designed us and desires us to live.  I kept hearing but I didn't always put everything I heard into practice.  I wasn't trusting God and I really viewed Him as more of someone to turn to when I needed help or a pick me up, not someone that I turned to on a daily basis for strength and guidance.  I had a very selfish faith and a very small view of Jesus.  That all changed 8 months ago....