You Know Me

This was the sunset that I got to enjoy yesterday morning as I took the kiddos to school and daycare.  It was so beautiful and the colors so vivid, the picture doesn't do it justice, but it was the best I could capture quickly at a stop light.

When I saw it, I started to think about a song that I think I've shared in a post before, but it is just such an amazing song, I have to share it again

 The song is influenced greatly by Psalm 139 and the lines that I thought of specifically yesterday morning were:

"You know when I rise and when I fall
When I come or go, You see it all
You hung the stars and You move the sea,
and still You know me"

It is really awesome when you stop to think about how great and mighty God is and how even in His greatness, he knows every detail about every one of us.  He made the beautiful sunrise yesterday and he "knit together" each one of us.  Simply amazing. 

O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.  You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.  (Psalm 139: 1-10, ESV)

What great comfort to know that we are never outside of the presence of such an amazing God.  I always put this song on my running playlists and whenever it comes on, I often find myself closing my eyes and just praising and thanking God for his greatness.  I love knowing that even when I'm on the trail in the middle of nowhere, God knows exactly where I am and he knows the struggles that I'm going through, I can honestly feel His presence when I am reminded of this.  It is invigorating, so even though the song isn't fast paced, it helps me keep on keepin on. 


Life has been pretty good lately despite the inevitable sickness that seems to flood our house at this time of year.  The crud just seems to cycle through each of us slowly and right now my daughter and I have it.  Since I've been dealing with the crud since Monday, I've been completely exhausted and haven't really done much in the way of exercise.  I managed to do a quick 2 1/4 mile run on the treadmill early Wednesday morning, but that has been in this week.  Despite that (or maybe because of it), the scale has been moving rapidly this week and I'm just 2 pounds away from the 100 pound mark. 

100 pounds is pretty remarkable, but I really hate the ridiculous things I tell myself sometime that steal away the joy that can come from milestones like this.  I commonly tell myself that loosing this weight doesn't really count because I spent most of my college/high school days between 240 and 260 pounds, so I've been here before.  Yes, I still had to loose it, but I won't feel like I'm actually doing something worth getting excited about until I am below 240.  This is how my head works, it is a scary place.

Last Saturday I did a treadmill run and I realized that my body is capable of much more than I think it is.  I had started out the run telling myself that I was just going to do a slow 5K to get something done, but as I went, I decided to push myself a bit more and kicked the speed up to 6.0 and 6.5 at the end of the run.  I was surprised how much I had left in me at the end and I was determined to keep going and push through it and I ran my best 5K time, 36:43.

I started to think about all of the times in my life that I probably could have pushed myself harder or given more and was fully capable of it, but self doubt clouded my mind and I gave up much earlier than I needed to.  I need to figure out how to get out of this cycle so that I can push myself and reach my full potential.  It was interesting for me to realize the difference between self discipline and perseverance and how I'm not at my best unless they are both in the mix.  I'm hoping to figure out how to get both of them in the mix.

Thanks for reading and enjoy the weekend!  Hopefully I'll have a 100 pound milestone post soon!

Don't be Afraid to Stand Out

Today's post is very much a needed reminder for myself, and since I need reminding of this frequently, I'm guessing others may find some value in it as well, so I decided to blog about it.

I've been struggling lately with my runs....ok, so not just with running, but with life in general.  Training runs are not going anywhere near as well as I would have hoped they would be at this point, and it frustrates me.  I had what I deemed a "craptastic" run on Friday night.  I had to walk after running 2 miles, lately I've been making it to the 4 mile mark before I need to take a walking break, so I was feeling defeated.  I can't even tell you how many times along my 6 mile journey I said to myself, "Why in the world am I doing this?".  

When I was about 5 miles in, the song "The Lost Get Found" by Britt Nicole came on. 

I've heard this song hundreds of times before, but hadn't really listened closely to the lyrics.

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
(Stand out)
'Cause somewhere
Somebody needs a reason to believe

Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

I was listening intently trying to take my mind off of the fact that my legs were beyond tired and I was mentally defeated.  When I heard those words, I lost it.  There I was, running in what was now nearly complete darkness with a mile to go and I was bawling, like snot running out of my nose, gasping for air, no hiding it, bawling. 

I'm not doing this for me.  I'm doing this because for whatever reason, I feel like it is what God wants me to be doing right now.  I don't even completely understand it or know what the purpose is, but I'm trusting that He is going to us me so that someone, somewhere, can learn about Him through me.  So that people who don't know Him or even do know him but haven't fully surrendered to Him can see the strength and power that he supplies me with daily to overcome the stronghold that food/obesity has had on me for so very long. 

I need to keep going so that I can be a success story and give Him the glory.

There has been so much going on in my heart lately.  I get overwhelmed so frequently because there is just so much that needs to be done, so many people who need to experience the love of Christ through The Church.  People who need to be reached and hear the Gospel.  Kids who don't have basic necessities.  Women who need a safe place to grow and raise their children.  People struggling with addiction.  Children forced into sexual exploitation and slavery.....too much

I need focus.  I have to keep reading and praying over Romans 12 until it becomes clear to me.  James and I kind of made that "our chapter" for this stage of our life.  There is so much good stuff in Romans.  

I also need to work on telling myself the truth.  I saw a great quote by Beth Moore last week - “We're going to have to let truth scream louder to our souls than the lies that have infected us.”  James had to remind me of this when I got home from my run on Friday and told him how much it sucked and how slow I am.  I have gotten quite good at lying to myself over the years.  Whenever I do this this, whenever I tell myself how fat, ugly, slow, (insert countless negative adjectives here) I am, I pretty much say to God, "You know, you pretty much blew it when you made me, thanks for nothing pal."  But the truth is that He made me to be me, just the way I am, because He has a purpose for my life.   

Psalm 139 has a thing or two to say about this

13  For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them. 

I don't know why it is so hard for me to remember this.  Why do I have to remind myself of this over and over?  Some day it will stick, I'll just keep praying for that....may not be this side of heaven, but we'll get there. 

There is so much more I could say tonight, but I'll leave it at this.  What lies are you telling yourself today?  Seek comfort in Psalm 139 and know that you are exactly who you are supposed to be.  Don't be afraid to stand out, He has a purpose for you.