Half-Marathon Week is Here!

As of 8:31pm CST, it is 3 days, 15 hours and 29 minutes away from the start of the Minneapolis Half Marathon!!

I can't believe it is so close.  I feel about as ready as I can be.  I am prepared for a very slow race, which is fine by me.  Moving 244 pounds over 13.1 miles is an accomplishment at any speed as far as I'm concerned.  My realistic goal is 3:10:00, my BHAG is 2:59:59 (I'd really love to finish with a 2 at the front, but that more than likely won't happen).  My 13 mile training run took me about 3:13, and I took it very slow that day and walked more than I probably needed to.  I do have to remember that my main goal is just to finish, so if I don't meet any of my time goals, I will still consider it a success.

We drove the route on Friday evening.  There is a pretty decent hill in the first mile, but the rest is mostly flat and the finish is probably 3/4 mile down hill.  I will roll if I have to ;-)

I did my last long-ish run on Sunday (5 miles) and a 30 minute run last night and I'll do another 30 minute run tomorrow and then I'll be resting up on Friday and Saturday.  

The forecast looks pretty awesome as of right now.

Before I get to run on Sunday, all three of my kiddos are going to be participating in a run of their own!  Even little Oskar :-)

They are running in the 3rd Annual Healing Haiti Kids Fun Run.  Healing Haiti is a great organization run out of St. Paul.  I've had many friends partner with them on short-term mission trips and I hope to take one with them sometime in the near future.  Here is a bit more information about who they are taken straight from an e-mail I received

Healing Haiti is a 501(c)3 faith-based organization dedicated to serving the poor, vulnerable and disadvantaged in Haiti with ministries currently located in Port-au-Prince, Cite Soleil and Titanyen.  Healing Haiti is based in St. Paul, Minnesota.  It is a 100% volunteer organization in the United States.  Healing Haiti’s only paid staff is the Haitians that live and work in Haiti.  This model allows us to be extremely efficient in managing our resources demonstrated by the fact that over 96% of every dollar that comes into this ministry makes it to the mission in Haiti.

 

My kiddos, specifically Rory, are wondering if any of you readers out there might be willing to sponsor her in the race.  You can either make a flat donation by going here, or you can contact me at growinginfaithshrinkinginsize (at) gmail (dot) com (I type it out funny like that so no spam goes there) and agree to donate a specific amount for each lap she runs (each lap is 1/8 of a mile) and then I'll contact you after the race with the details on how many she ran and how to give.  For example, you can pledge $1 a lap, and if she runs 4 laps, your total donation would be $4.  My girl isn't the most athletic, so I really wouldn't plan on her running any more than 4 laps.

By sponsoring Rory, you would be helping to pay for a social worker at Grace Village (an orphanage) who will provide care for children rescued from slavery.  Your donation will help a child who once had no hope for their future thrive spiritually, academically, socially and physically.

Rory wanted me to share this special message with all of you about why she is running. 

She doesn't quite understand the slave/social worker piece yet, but she has learned a lot about kiddos in Haiti and how sometimes their mom's make them mud pies because sometimes they don't have food to eat but the mud fills their stomach.  So when we talk about Haiti, that is what she thinks of.

Please help these kiddos make a difference in the lives of our brothers and sisters in Haiti!  They might be small, but they get it and they want to share the love!   
 
     

Late Night Thoughts

Last night I was in bed and couldn't fall asleep, so I turned on a movie.  I watched October Baby, which is a movie about a girl who finds out she was adopted at the age of 19.  I loved the movie, but the movie combined with the tornado in Oklahoma yesterday left me feeling unsettled.  I had a lot of thoughts running through my head and still couldn’t sleep, so I decided to grab my journal and write some things down.  

So, here they are, the racing thoughts I have when I stay up too late and think too much.

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Sometimes I have a really hard time with the world and the things that take place; the loss of life, the devastation, the ruin….I don't even bother watching the images on the screen because it is all just too much.

I become paralyzed.  Paralyzed by all there is to do.  All the hearts that need to be repaired, all the lives that need hope, all the love that has yet to be felt.  I shut down, I feel numb, so small, so powerless…..so inadequate.

There is so much I want to do.  So much love I want to share.  It is hard to wait, hard to accept that I have a husband and three small children that need that love from me and they are just as important. 

I am so overwhelmed by it all.  So frustrated by the people who don't get it and don't take action.

The only place that seems acceptable to go at a time like this is straight to my knees.  Never have I felt the need to cry out to God on behalf of our people, our country, our parents, our world as I do right now.

We need Jesus.  We need him badly.

But amidst all these thoughts, I hear that oh so familiar still small voice saying, "not yet, it isn't time, there is still much to be done…"

God has to feel the overwhelming struggle that I feel, but on a much greater magnitude.  How much more heartbreaking it must be for him to watch people profess their allegiance to him and to still not get what it truly means to follow him.  People more concerned about the building and organizational structure of the church than being The Body of Christ.

There are children who feel unwanted, unloved, rejected and that is not ok.

There are people who go days without a meal to eat or clean water to drink, and that is not ok.

There are women and children forced into slavery and that is not ok.

There a millions of lives being ended before they even had the chance to begin, and that is not ok. 

We need to do more.  We have to do more.  He needs us to do more.  We are his, He lives in us, we are representing Him on this earth, we are His hands and feet…..even more, we are his love.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5

I am so thankful that I don't have to understand it all.  I don't have to fix it all, even though the "Responsibility" strength in me really wants to try.  God's sovereignty and grace covers us all.  I struggle so much to accept and trust this truth during times when the brokenness of the world is so visible.

I pray that I will find a way to be used, a way to share the love and grace that he has shared with me.  I pray that I'll be open to whatever that may be, even if it doesn't come in a neat and tidy package.  I pray that I can set aside my wishes, my desires, my things, my expectations, my pride and just follow him.

"And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said tot hem, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it." Mark 8:34-35

Help me choose to lose in a world that is consumed with winning.

Trust and Trial

Happy Friday!

I hope all you moms had a great Mother's Day last weekend.  I had a busy, but good day with my family and kiddos.

There was a lot of food and a lot of treats had and I was pretty much exhausted at the end of the day, but I had 4  miles on the schedule.  I headed downstairs around 9:00pm to hit the treadmill and as soon as I turned it on, I got the lube belt notification and it wouldn't work until I did that.  I almost threw in the towel multiple times while trying to get the belt loosened and tightened up again, but I stuck with it and finally got to running around 9:45pm.  Despite all the extra work of getting the treadmill up and running and the exhaustion, I knocked out my fastest mile (10:00...slow for some, fast for me) which was part of my fastest 5K (34:32).  I'm glad I stuck with it.

Monday I met with a Physical Therapist as part of the medical weight loss program I started through a physician.  It was really comforting because she told me I'm doing everything I should be doing and that the only thing she recommended was mixing things up a bit by taking a spin class or something like that.  She was pleased that I started weight training and thinks that if I keep doing that I should reach my goal. 

Tuesday night was gorgeous and I got in a good run outside and then headed to the gym for a quick lift.  I snapped a quick picture at the gym because I was pretty excited about fitting into an XL outfit off of the clearance rack.

Wednesday I had an appointment with the physician at the weight loss clinic to review my blood work from two week ago.  As she was reviewing my results, she closed out of my chart and went back in.  She said she had to double check and make sure she was in the right place in the right chart because she hasn't seen cholesterol levels that good in a really long time.  

 

 My cholesterol has dropped 46 points since 2007, which was when I was at my heaviest.  She did let me know that I have a Vitamin D deficiency, so I have a prescription supplement that I have to take twice a week.  It is 50,000 units, which is an insane amount, but I will hopefully only have to take it for 8 weeks and we're hoping that once we get those levels under control, I'll feel much better.  I have lost 7 pounds between my two appointments and she was generally excited to see progress because most of their patients don't show any during the first two weeks.  As of this morning, I'm down a total of 110 pounds!  I'm so excited that the scale is moving again! 

I did my long run today since the weekend doesn't really work anymore due to some schedule changes.  I woke up to the sound of raindrops and almost talked myself out of it, but I decided that I better get used to running in the rain in case it rains on the day of the race.  It didn't go quite as well as I wanted it to, but my standards are always really high, so I was still quite pleased at the end. 

I switched things up a bit and rather than listening to music, I decided to listen to some sermons since that always works well when I'm on the treadmill.  I listened to the first three sermons in the "God's Will is Whatever" series from Elevation Church.  If you ever struggle with questioning whether or not the decisions you make are God's will or not, I highly recommend listening to the messages in this series.  The overall message is that as long as you are walking in God's ways, you are in His will.

I stopped to take a picture of the North St. Paul snowman (he was taunting me, I swear ;-) ) and my phone freaked out and rebooted so my tracking is split in two with a little bit of a gap.  I manually put them together and this was the total outcome of my run this morning. 

That is a pretty decent calorie burn

The pace is about a minute slower than I am shooting for on the 2nd, but I feel prepared for my first half marathon.  I'm hoping that with all of the excitement of it being race day and with the pacer teams, I'll be able to finish right around 3:00.  It felt so good to finish knowing that I completed the entire distance that I set out for today.  14 miles was on the schedule, but after my long run last two weeks ago, I decided that I probably shouldn't increase from 11 miles to 14 miles and settled on 13.  I didn't run the entire thing, but I only took short walk breaks here and there after mile five.

I brought Jelly Belly Sport Beans and Gatorade with this time based on some recommendations from a couple of other runner friends and it made things so much better.  I will be sticking with that combo in the future!

As I was on the last mile and so close to home, I started thinking about how crazy it is that I was out on a 13 mile training run that started in the rain.  It was even more crazy that I finished it.  Just the simple fact that I set this goal shows amazing progress for me mentally and emotionally.  I spent so many years of my life being so paralyzed by fear of failure that I never even attempted things unless I was sure I would succeed.  I had no idea if I was going to be able to move this body for 13 miles, but I needed to try.  You will never know what you are capable of and what God is able to do if you don't trust in Him and give it a try.  Even if you fail, God will turn it around and use it for good, it is a win-win! 

I may have cried a few tears of joy as I ran the last tenth of a mile to my front door.  For the first time in a long time, I was proud of myself.

I switched to music during the last three miles and this song was on at the end of my run and it was so perfect

 

So, what is it that you are too afraid to do?  Take the leap of faith and get out there and do it!   

 

Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

Hello!

I haven't had much to write about lately so I am forcing myself to come up with something tonight.

I've been doing pretty well with my new 1,650 calorie/day plan as prescribed by a dietitian.  I've also been successful at planning my entire day of meals out in advance and bringing everything I need with me to work.  I'm doing ok with eating 1-2 servings of veggies each day, but not as well as I would like to be doing.  I have gotten at least one serving each day, so that is good, but I was hoping to get two. 

With the diligence in tracking and paying more attention to the mixture of foods, I have started to see progress on the scale, WOO HOO!  I am down to 246 lbs after MONTHS of being stuck in the 250-255 range.  That means 6 pounds to lose until I reach my first big goal of 240 pounds, the lowest weight I remember weighing in high school.

Most days sticking within my calorie limit is pretty easy, but some days I just want to gripe about the fact that I even have to pay attention to it.  I just want to be able to self regulate, hopefully some day I will get there.

So, even though I'm making progress on the scale, my endurance during runs has completely tanked.  I was supposed to do 12.5 miles on Sunday but I was on call for work (and had a ridiculously busy day) so I instead made a plan for Monday afternoon and had taken half the day off for it.  Well, that all changed when I ended up needing to take the littlest one to the dermatologist to determine the cause of a nasty rash that stumped a resident and two seasoned pediatricians. 

Exhibit A 

Turned out to be eczema and a skin infection which we have no idea how he got.  But he was pretty darn cute in the little gown they gave him to wear (it is backwards, but he put it on himself, I just tied it)

We finally got home around 2:30 or so and I got him down for a nap and tried to finish up some outstanding work issues left over from the weekend.  I headed out on my run around 3:30.  Within the first 5 minutes, my heart rate was way higher than it normally would be and even though I kept trying to slow my pace down, it was still way above my long run range (60-70% of Max).  At about mile 4 everything fell apart.  I had to stop and walk for a bit but was determined to walk for a short amount of time and then pick it back up again.  I did that and then lasted for about three minutes.  I think I only ran about 1 more mile spread out over the rest of the trek which I ended up cutting short to 11.20 miles. 

Here are my really, really, sad splits. 

That all ended up being a 15:15 mile/min pace, which is MUCH slower than my normal long runs....because it is a walking pace.  I know it is silly to get upset about this kind of thing, but it was really frustrating since the last long run I did, I ran for the entire thing.  Yes, it was on the treadmill last time, but I don't usually see THAT big of a difference between running on the treadmill and running outside.  It was quite a bit warmer on Monday than it has been in a very long time and we didn't really get anything in between upper 30's to the upper 70's that we had then, so I'm hoping my body just needs to adjust to the warmer weather.

I'm also thinking that part of the reason my heart rate was so high is because I took the advice of a very helpful employee at Dick's Sporting Goods and bought some GU.  I planned on just getting some to try mid run since I need to refuel because end up running for so long.  He talked me into trying some GU Roctane (caffeinated) pre-run and then some regular GU Energy Gel for every 45 minutes during the run.  I choked down the Roctane about 15 minutes before I left....it was nasty.  I felt like I was going to puke pretty much immediately.  He warned me that different flavors tend to sit better in some people's stomachs than others.  I guess that one didn't sit well in mine.  Around mile 5 I tried to take some of the Tri-Berry GU and I started gagging before I even got it up to my mouth.  I think I got about half it down before I said screw it and decided it wasn't happening today.

Lesson for the day: GU + Tammy = No bueno

I did learn another valuable lesson on Monday: the success of my runs is determined long before I even step foot out the door.  I was so stressed with work, Oskar and James tooth that I kind of didn't even want to run on Monday.  I just wanted to crawl into bed, but I went anyway with the thought that it was probably going to suck....and it did.  Every time I feel like it isn't going to go well, it doesn't.  Running is far more mental than physical for me and some days I just can't get my head in the right place.  I normally pray during most of my long runs and I couldn't even focus on that.  I don't really know where my head was.  I kind of felt a bit vacant and couldn't concentrate on anything other than my tired legs, dry mouth, pounding heart and lack of breath. 

I have one more long run before my first half marathon and I'm really praying that it goes much better so I can go into race day feeling confident.

Last night I did a 30 minute run on the treadmill at the gym and it felt pretty good.  I set the pace at a 12:00 min/mile and was able to run for most of it. 

So that about does it.  Not much else to report other than trying to keep on keeping on.  I'll leave you with a few pictures from the past couple days.

Mother's Day Gift for My Mom - A bathtub faucet that doesn't leak

At the gym last night, I was drenched but it is hard to tell in the picture

Lovely Mother's Day gift from my daughter (I've never tried to cook the entire country of Chile, but I do make a mean batch of chili)

Mr. Ragerpants and me killing some time at the mall before OT today