Fashionable Footwear

So last Tuesday I went to the doctor because my left foot had been bugging me for a couple of weeks and I wasn't really seeing any improvement.  The doctor thought it was just strained and advised resting it for a week and making sure I was always wearing shoes with good arch support and a hard sole.  He said we could either do an x-ray right away or wait and see and do one after a week if there is no improvement.  I opted to do one right away since the main reason I was there was to rule out any type of fracture.

So we did the x-ray, he reviewed them, didn't see anything suspicious except for the fact that my 1st metatarsal (big toe) is wonky and bowed out.

He sent me on my way but said that the radiologist would do a more thorough read of my x-ray and they would get in touch with me if anything was found.

Last Thursday I got a phone call and a MyChart message from my clinic letting me know that the radiologist did see something more.  I tried to ignore it over the weekend and went ahead with my scheduled long run (4 miles) yesterday.  My run went really well, I actually ran the full four miles, (special thanks to the nice guy who gave me a thumbs up and a good job at about 3.25 miles, it was much needed and very helpful!) and my foot didn't hurt at all while I was running, but it was definitely sore after the fact.

So today I finally called the clinic back and headed in to see the nurse.

I guess that this (navicular avulsion fracture - a teeny little chip of bone detached)

 

Means I get to wear one of these awesome things for a week

The goal is to minimize movement so that the chip will calcify back onto the navicular. 

I realized how much I have grown in my feelings towards exercise with this news.  When I was in high school, news like this would have been pretty darn exciting for me.  I would have been happy to have a reason to not participate in basketball practice or gym class.  I wouldn't have cared one bit if I had to lay around being lazy for a while.  But now, the thought of having to wear this thing for just one short week without being able to run has made me very sad.

I am very thankful that it is a minor injury and one week is very little time for recovery, but it still really stinks.  I'm praying for a quick recovery and for the self-discipline to follow doctors orders so that it actually can heal.  I'm not always good at following doctors orders.....so we'll see how that goes.  

Any ideas for ways to stay active with a CAM boot??? I'll take them :-) 

Failure, Perfectionism and Obedience

Happy Sunday!

I'm flying high off of a powerful baptism weekend at our church.  We went to service last night and it was awesome.  There was three older kids that were baptised together and we were sitting close to their family and I just couldn't stop the tears from flowing.  I don't think I could handle it if all three of my kiddos were baptised at the same time, I think my heart would explode.  I can't think of a more exciting day in a parent's life than watching your child take such an amazing step of obedience and faith.   

I was volunteering in kids ministry this morning, but was able to watch the baptisms from the 9:00 service on a TV.  Then I decided to go the 11:00 service again with my sister, brother in law and sister in law.  (My sister in law is a self professed baptism junkie, and I think I may be one too.)  I was soooo happy that I stayed for the 11:00 because I got to see a lot of friends publicly declare their faith.  Tears of joy just kept flowing as we sat worshipping and watching.   

I grew up Lutheran and was baptised as an infant, but James and I were baptised together in 2007.  I know a lot of people aren't familiar with believer/adult baptism, but it is so incredibly powerful!  It is a very emotional step of obedience and as I grow closer with people in our church community, each baptism that I get to watch gets much more joyful and exciting.  I love seeing the Holy Spirit at work in peoples lives, and it was so very present this weekend.  Sometimes I get frustrated with aspects of our church, but there is no denying that God is doing amazing things there and it is an amazing privilege to be a part of it.  Lives are constantly being transformed.  (You can see more about how we do baptism by following this link http://vimeo.com/55874255 )

My middle son, Raymond, a.k.a. Rage, joined us at the 11:00 service.  He would normally go to Kid-o-Deo, but after already being there twice this weekend, there was no way I was going to get him in for a third.  I wasn't about to deal with an epic tantrum in the middle of the hallway at church, so he joined us.  I love that boy to pieces, but he can be exhausting at times.  It has been a struggle since day one with him, he is very strong willed and also very emotional, so it makes for an interesting mix.  At his 3 year well child check, we filled out the developmental survey and he is behind in a few areas and is also not able to regulate his emotions, which means we sometimes have days that are one long drawn out temper tantrum and we have some days that he is perfectly happy.  He gets really upset over really silly things, like when I turn left instead of right, when I say a particular word or if I look at him the wrong way.  In one word, he is intense. 

We were given a referral to 1-800-helpmegrow and they referred us to St. Paul Public Schools.  The first step was his kindergarten screening, so we did that, they said he had a fine-motor delay and some speech issues, but didn't offer any help.  They also gave us a referral for some of his emotional regulation issues, which ended with someone calling me and telling me that the reason we have difficulties with him is because of how I react to him.  I've never been so frustrated, defeated and hopeless in my life.

I ended up taking things into my own hands and contacted Children's Theraplay.  The minute I talked to someone on the phone there, I started to feel like there might be some hope.  I took him in a couple weeks ago for an evaluation and they decided to focus on his fine-motor skills because they thought it would be the easiest thing to score him on for insurance reimbursement.  After they did his evaluation, the occupational therapist met with me to review his results.  He absolutely has a fine-motor skill delay and she was confident that insurance would cover therapy, very good news!  However, we also talked about a few things which made realize just how similar my son and I are/am...not sure which is correct, I was never any good at grammar.

Everyone that I've discussed his behaviors with tells me it is because he is a middle child.  Well, I'm a middle child, so I refused to believe that, but I think there could be something to it.  Anyway, during his evaluation, when the therapist asked him to do certain things, he would say "no, I can't".  This is a phrase I'm very familiar with.  She would continue to work with him and get him to try, but whenever he tried to do something that he said he couldn't do, he struggled greatly.  He is very aware of what he can and can't do and didn't want to do anything that he knew he couldn't do.  The therapist asked me if I thought there might be some perfectionism there and I just sat there, dumbfounded for a minute because suddenly, everything started to make sense.  I believe my reply to her was, "If he is my son, and he is, then I am 100% positive that perfectionism could be an issue." 

I struggled for so long with trying to be perfect, completely paralyzed by the fear of failure, and now, my sweet little boy is following in my footsteps.  Since I am aware of this struggle in myself, we have been extra cautious in this area with our kids, encouraging them to do things even if they aren't good at it.  Giving them positive reinforcement for trying things even if they don't succeed....and yet, that fear of not doing things perfectly is in him.  The therapist is very optimistic that we can make great strides with him since he is so young, so I am very much looking forward to seeing him transform, but I know it isn't going to be easy. 

I have noticed that I'm starting to see the fear of failure creep into my life in some areas.  Specifically, in the area of weight loss.  I am so afraid that I'm not going to get past this plateau that I am on.  I'm afraid that I'll never be happy with the body staring back at me in the mirror.  I keep trying so hard and the scale just isn't moving.  So I start to wonder, should I be doing something else.  Is this ever going to work.  Maybe I'm just meant to be fat.  I'm wanting to bail on something that is the best thing for me and my family because I'm not losing weight as fast as other people and even though I've lost 99.2 pounds, I'm still bigger than most of the contestants on The Biggest Loser.  Some days, I just want to quit trying.

The good thing, is that it is just some days and the better thing is that I could never let all of you down!  I'm in this, it might be a REALLY long journey, but I will get there.

I was praying about my struggles the other day and 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 came into my head: 

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

I don't need to be perfect because I believe in a God who is.  I don't need to be strong, because God makes himself known through my weakness.  This whole blog is me boasting about my weaknesses and trusting that God will make Himself known through them.  Sometimes I forget that, but He is always there to remind me.  I pray that my little boy will learn to know this some day and I will do my best to teach him.

*I was hoping to do a 100 pound update, but I'm just not there yet, but I did take some progress pictures the other day.  99.2 pounds lost

 

 

Now 



            

Your Doubt vs My Faith

Half marathon training started yesterday with a 30 minute run, which is pretty typical for me, so it was no big deal.  Things don't really start to progress until next week with a 4 mile run.  I don't think I've run more than 3 miles since October and the most I have ever done is 7, so I'll definitely be moving out of my comfort zone with this.

I can tell that people think I'm crazy and doubt that I will be able to do this, but that just makes me more determined to prove them wrong.  I am determined to succeed with this, the only thing that would stop me is some kind of injury, so I'm praying that I stay healthy.

I did my run yesterday on the treadmill and when I am on the treadmill, I like to listen to sermons from other churches.  I especially like to listen to Craig Groeschel from Life Church.tv.

I was listening to the last sermon in their recent series, My Story: Living the story you want to tell and it was the perfect thing to be listening to.  It was all about "going" when it is more comfortable to "stay".  For me, signing up for the half marathon is very much a "go" because it would be so much more comfortable for me to stay running at comfortable distances and staying inside of my comfort zone.  I've never run 13.1 miles before, so I'm going to have to trust God completely to help me get there.  I feel very strongly that this is something that he wants me to do.  He didn't mean for us to be comfortable, he meant for us to be faithful.  Pushing myself out of my comfort zone increases my dependence on him, which is exactly where I should be.   

Craig had a lot of great quotes in the message, but my favorite was this one:

"You don't have faith to finish, you just need to have the faith to start."

I thought that was perfect for embarking on this training program. 

I know that I won't be able to accomplish this without being focused on why I am doing this.  I'm doing this to bring Him glory, so that others can see the transformational power of God.  He will change your life if you let him. 

Colossians 3:17 says, "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

2 Corinthians 5:17 says "Therefor, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."

The Tammy I knew a year ago, who could barely run for 90 seconds, never would have attempted to run a half marathon, but God is working me, growing my dependence on Him and giving me a desire to be healthier person, both spiritually and physically.  If you want to do something that is God honoring but don't think you can, just have faith and know that God will get you there....it may not be on your timing, but he will be faithful.

What is God calling you to do?  Where does He want you to go?  
 

Change in Plans

Happy Monday!

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and enjoyed the Super Bowl.  I'm not sure I actually paid attention to any of the game or commercials, but had a lot of fun with my family.  My fun included a lot more food than one person should consume in any given day, but I had planned for a day off so I'm back at it this morning.

We're still passing the crud back and forth in our house and I seem to have gotten some of it and haven't been feeling 100% since Saturday so this weekend was pretty low-key.  I did take Lena (oh yeah, by the way, we got a puppy for Christmas) for a walk yesterday.  We went for a two mile walk and my lungs were not at all happy.  It is really sad that 9 degrees feels warm to me lately.  

13 week old Lena - she loves to bite, jump and pee on the floor, but we still love her

 

  So, on to the change in plans.  We've been doing the American Cancer Society "Active for Life" challenge at work.  It is a 10-Week team challenge and we are 2 weeks in with week 3 starting today.  We have 33 people on our team, which is pretty awesome.  We've been trying to come up with a few group activities that we can do together and there are quite a few runners on the team.  A few of the ladies on our team are training together to run the Minneapolis Half Marathon in June.  They tried talking me into it a few weeks ago and I quickly turned them down thinking that June was too soon and I wouldn't be able to do it.  Last week, one of the people running it asked me again and I started thinking a bit more about it.  I looked at the website on Saturday night and saw this



http://www.minneapolismarathon.com/half-marathon-info.html

The course is open for 3 hours and 30 minutes and it is a walker-friendly event.  I can do this!  My only goal is to finish, I'm not going to worry about pace/time, just going to focus on making it 13.1 miles.

I'm going to wait and see how this goes before signing up for the Monster Dash Half Marathon, but I think I'd like to do both of them, that way my entire year is pretty much planned out with goals to reach.    

My co-workers are following the Jeff Galloway training plan so I am going to follow that one as well.  I really like it because there is only one long run each week and when the miles start increasing it really becomes a long run every other week.



 

So training starts today with an off day.  I'm looking forward to a challenge, I desperately need them to keep me motivated, it is so easy for me to start making excuses to not be active if I don't have a goal to work towards.   

Anyone want to join me???  :-)  If I can do it, anyone can do it!