The Number One Preventable Cause of Death

I don't know about you, but this doesn't sit very well with me.  I thought it would be obesity or lung cancer.  Instead it is something that we have an abundance of, clean water.  Nearly everyone in this country has access to clean water with the turn of a knob or the push of a button.  It is simple for us, but it isn't that way for everyone. 

Here are some facts from World Vision:

• More than 6,000 children under age 5 die each day from diseases spread by unsafe water or lack of basic sanitation and hygiene. 
• Almost 900 million people lack access to safe water.
• 443 million school days per year are lost to water-related illness.

But, do you want to know the good news?

World Vision is doing incredible things to reduce those numbers and ensure that kids and families in Africa and Haiti have access to clean and safe water.  The people at World Vision partner with the communities and uses the resources available to come up with effective and sustainable solutions to provide clean water.  They get the community involved and invested in the projects, which I believe, is the best way to help people.

For all of these reasons, when I heard about the opportunity to join Team World Vision for the Monster Dash Half Marathon, it was a no brainer.  I have been looking for ways that God can use this journey that I am to help others, and this is undeniably a way that I can do just that.

I have a goal of raising $1,310 to help provide access to clean water.  That is $100 for every mile that I will be running.  $1,310 is enough to provide clean water for 26 people for an entire generation.  

Here is where you come in :-)

I would be extremely grateful if you would be willing to support me financially and help me reach my goal of providing water for 26 people.  I know that $50 is a lot of money and most of you don't have that kind of cash sitting around.  No worries!  A donation of ANY size would help get me closer to my goal.  $1, $5, $13.10....whatever you feel called to give is getting us one step closer to helping our brothers and sisters in Haiti in Africa.  If it doesn't fit in your budget right now, no problem, you can donate any time between now and October 26.  (I won't hound you, but the link to give will stay in the upper right hand corner of my blog.)

Everyone deserves clean water.  Everyone needs clean water.  You can help them get it.

Click Here to Provide Clean Water

Thank you!

(P.S. It isn't too late to join the team.  Please let me know if you would like to join our team and run for water!)

Catching Up

I suppose I should probably write a new post or something.....it has been 23 days since the last one and that feels like a really long time ago.

We've been very busy since then.  Here are some of the highlights from that time

• Family trip to middle of nowhere Wisconsin July 2-4
• I don't have any pictures on this computer, but it was a lot of fun and also extremely exhausting.  Huge thank you to my brother-in-law for letting us join him in a BEAUTIFUL "cabin" that was much nicer and larger than our home.  It was nice to enjoy time with family and I even got out for a 4 mile run while we were there. 

• 4th of July Fireworks with the entire family
• I thought I had some pictures, but I can't seem to find them now.  Everyone survived and I got kind of emotional because it was the first time we've ever been able to go with the whole family

• James took a weekend trip to Wisconsin and I held down the fort 
• I may have bribed them with ice cream on Friday night....shhh....don't tell anyone, k

• I did The Color Run
• It was a blast.  I wasn't at all worried about time, I just wanted to have fun.  I ran with my friend Kelley and we had a great time.  I even found my Sister-in-Law and her family at the end of the race and we snapped a few pictures.  I completely recommend this as an active family activity or for someone who wants a good first 5K goal, so much fun and no pressure.  This is the first time I've actually run along side someone else for a race and it made the time fly by, I might have to find running partners more often.  I promised Rory that if she could walk/run three miles by this time next year she could do it with me.

• We enjoyed the wonderfully awful Ramsey County Fair.  I'd say it is the biggest disgrace for a county fair, but we went to one up in Two Harbors, MN once that was pretty terrible too.

 All three kiddos checking out some sheep

 Rory and Rage on the Helicopter Ride

 Rory and Rage on the 4 Wheeler Ride

 The coolest thing at the fair....a cow that you can "milk"

On our way home.  Her legs got tired.  Go figure.

• My baby turned 2 and we had a great family party with my niece who turned 1

 Oskar (2) and Etta (1)

 Our family (Thanks for such a great photo Chris!)

Two year difference for my little Oskar man

• I hurt my hip....trying to lay off running to recover but it doesn't really feel like it is improving.  No idea what happened.  It bothered me last summer but was fine for the fall, winter and spring.  Now it has returned with a vengeance.  

• I'm in Wisconsin for work for the next couple days
• I love my family, but it is kind of glorious to have time to myself for the next couple of days.  I plan on using every minute of it!

So other than that, not too much is going on.  I lost a ton of weight (close to 6 pounds) the 2nd week in July for no apparent reason and then I went completely off the rails and couldn't stop eating last week/weekend and gained pretty much all of it back.  I was bound and determined to make Monday a better day and have done a pretty good job of keeping things in line since then.  It was kind of scary how little control I had last week.  I consumed like 3,500 calories one day, which is 2,000 more than my goal.  I learned a lot from it and I'm looking forward.  I need a way to keep my hormones in check....guys, be thankful you don't have to deal with this lovely aspect of weight loss.

God has been working on softening my heart a lot lately.  I've been really bitter/angry with our work/family schedule lately and it has been taking a toll on our relationship. We're working through it and God is showing up big time.  The last two weeks at church our usual worship leader was out and the guy filling in for him just completely crushed me with his little devotional/talks before the final songs.  Both weeks I just cried during the last worship song because God used him to speak right to my heart with issues that were very present in my life that day.  I love my church.

On Oskar's actual birthday I was having a particularly rough evening because James was home with the kids during the day but had to work that night so he had to go to bed as soon as I got home and we didn't get to spend the evening as a family.  I know he needs to sleep so he can function at work, but I still let it bother me way too much.  I was feeling so alone because I just miss being able to spend time together as a family.  As I was tucking Rory in for bed, I was exhausted.  She asked me to read from a children's devotional book that I got for them and I told her it was too late, but she quickly reminded me of something I had once told her..."but Mommy, we always have time for God".  So glad I have my little accountability girl.  I found the entry for the day and started to read through it and had to stop to gain composure a couple of times.  Here is what it said

It is a pretty small picture, so in case you can't read it, Matthew 18:20 is the verse for the day

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

The commentary goes on to say, "When you and your family pray before dinner, God is there. When you play outside with a friend in the world God created, God is there.  When you sing a song about God or thank him for all the great things he's given you, God is there.  So when you want to spend time with God, grab a friend.  Then invite God to join you."

It was a very needed reminder for me that day that I'm never alone.  God is always with me and I just felt like he was giving me a great big hug when I read this.  I'm so thankful that I have a little girl who loves Jesus so very much.  She is always asking questions that get us discussing God and how wonderful he is.  It is truly a blessing to have her around.

I think that about does it for now.  Not much else going on.  Thanks for reading!  Have a wonderful day!

What would a post be if I didn't share one of my favorite songs of late :-)

Finding Joy in Slow....A Half Marathon Story

(If you aren't into TMI kinds of stories, then you'll probably just want to skip everything past the first four paragraphs....more detail than anyone wanted to know I'm sure, but it is what it is!)

I did it!

My first half marathon is in the books.  The weather was perfect, we couldn't have had a nicer day.  It was cool and humidity was low and the sun was shining by the end of the race, perfect in my books!

I woke up at 3:30am and started getting ready, left by 4:15 and headed downtown to catch a shuttle to the starting line.  I got there with plenty of time to spare, I probably could have slept half an hour longer, but I'd rather by early than late.  I got to the starting area around 5:00 and the race started at 6:30, so I sat around quite a bit just mentally preparing myself.

I headed to the starting line at 6:00 and found the 12+ minute pace flags and got lined up there and was quickly greeted by a friend from work.  It was nice to see a familiar face and chat a bit before the race started.

The race started promptly at 6:30 and I crossed the starting line right around 6:35.  I was very focused on maintaining a slow pace even though people were passing all around me.  I just kept my eyes forward and got in my own zone.  I started the race listening to a couple of messages from Elevation church....very good decision.  I got filled up and really felt good about how things were starting.

As each mile passed and RunKeeper read me my pace, I was a bit scared and a bit excited all at the same time.  For the first 8 miles, my pace was right around 12:55 a mile or so and I was shooting for a 13:30 pace.  I was tempted to slow things down, but I felt really good so I just kept going at the pace I was at.  Even though my legs and lungs felt great, my stomach started to give me some trouble pretty much immediately and I contemplated stopping at the 2, 4 and 6 mile points to use the restroom, but I kept going too afraid to stop because the lines were long and I was making such good time.

When I finally arrived at the 8 mile check point, which also happened to be a relay exchange point, there were finally some satellite toiles with no line so I quickly jumped in.  My intestines were pretty much in full on revolt mode at that point, but I was determined to keep going and try to keep the pace I was at......except that didn't really happen.

The first mile after taking the break I felt good again, but then the stomach issues creeped back in.  I ended up walking quite a bit during mile 10, but I was trying to keep a quick walking pace so that I didn't get too far off track from meeting my goal.

Miles 8 thru 12 are pretty much a blur.  I had to stop and use the restroom again around mile 11.5 or so, right before crossing the Stone Arch Bridge.  I knew my family was going to be in the area after the Stone Arch Bridge, so as I was crossing it I was kind of looking out for them and I spotted them in the distance and was able to wave to them.  I swear to you, that bridge has gotten much longer since the last time I was on it.....but that was a casual stroll and this most definitely was not.  I felt like I was never going to get across that stupid bridge to the point in the race where we were on the last stretch. 

I finally made and saw my kiddos holding up signs and screaming "Go Mommy!" with the biggest smiles on their faces.  I ran over and gave them high fives and I choked back the tears.  It was so wonderful to see them and to hear their cute little voices, it gave me the strength I needed to make it to the end because I was VERY tired at that point.  My feet and hips were killing me but I knew I was close. 

I finally made it up the last hill and hit the point where it was all down hill to the finish.  Seeing the river at the bottom of the hill was the most glorious site I had ever seen!  I started looking for the finish line because my phone had just told me that I had reached 13 miles and I started tracking just steps away from the starting line.  I saw the finish and thought it was closer than it was, but we had to run past it a little bit and then work our way back.  I really didn't think I was going to make it at that point, but when I finally turned the last corner with nothing standing between the finish line and me, I started running as hard as I possibly could. 

The gun timer showed 3:05 something when I crossed so I quickly grabbed my phone to stop tracking and see what the time on my phone said.  This is what I saw on my phone

It is very evident by my splits that mile 8 is when things started to fall apart for me. 

Between my phone time and the gun time, my hopes of finishing in under 3:00 seemed somewhat possible, but I really wasn't sure.  Runkeeper paused while I was in the bathroom, so I knew my time was a little bit longer than this, but I was hoping that  I would have made it. 

So I sat in suspense until I was able to get home and check the online results but I still felt pleased since I definitely met my finishing around 3:00 goal.

After I crossed the finish line, I got my medal and some snacks and then found a picnic table close to the river to sit down and call my husband.  They were close by and were on their way to meet me, yay!  I wasn't expecting them to be at the finish, so it was a really nice surprise. 

We snapped a few pictures

Me and the two "big kids"....don't ask me what he is wearing or what he is doing, he is his own man.



My mom and me (she helped out a ton with our house and kids this weekend, thanks mom!)

 

 

My mom got some more pictures with her camera, but I haven't gotten them yet, I'll make sure I update this with them when I have the rest. 

 

We eventually started heading back to our cars, we both ended up parking in the same lot, so it was nice to be able to walk back with them.  It was about a 3/4 mile walk or more back to the car and we had to go back up the hill that we came down at the end, so it was a very slow and painful walk back to the car. 

 

My mom rode back with me while James took the kiddos.  As we were on our way home, I heard my phone make the noise it makes when I get a text or e-mail.  I checked and it was an e-mail with my official race results...

 

I was a little bit bummed that I didn't have a 2 at the beginning, but I'm still happy that I was able to finish this close to 3:00.  If my stomach hadn't decided to revolt against me, I know I would have for sure met that goal, so I will be shooting for it again in October( and hopefully I'll figure out how to keep my stomach under control between now and then)!

 

And honestly, I think the course was longer than 13.1 miles since I started my phone about 5 feet from the starting pad and stopped it about 20 feet from the finish pad.  Every time I tried to map the route on Google Maps, I kept coming up with 13.48.  Other people I know that had their GPS trackers on ended up with close to the same distance as me, so I'm sticking to my theory that it was about .3 miles longer. 

 

Oh well, either way it was a successful first half marathon in that I finished and I set a good, realistic goal for myself. 

 

I told my mom that I'm not sure I'll do another half after I do the Monster Dash in October, but I also said I would never do anything more than a 10K after I finished the 10K last November.

 

In just under a year's time, I went from barely making it through my very first 5K with a time of 38:32 weighing 285 pounds, to running a half marathon in 3:01:20 weighing 244 pounds.  Numerically, it is slow progress, but mentally, I have overcome barriers that I never thought I would get past.   

 

There is absolutely no way that I would have been able to do any of this if it wasn't for the strength and hope that I find in an Amazing God.  He has given me a resolve to get this done.  To make a better me and do it for His glory, and I felt so incredibly blessed today as I was out there on that course that he would be so good to me.

 

I repeated these verses in my head over and over before and during the race

 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2, ESV

If he found joy in dying a horrible death for me, surely I can find joy in having the strength and endurance to run 13.1 miles while kicking a lifetime of obesity to the curb.  I have been changed and no matter how slowly I may lose the weight or run the race, my mind has been transformed and I am a stronger and healthier person than I have ever been before.  Today, I am finding joy in slow, because in that slowness comes a whole lot of time to reflect on how blessed I am.     
 

Trust and Trial

Happy Friday!

I hope all you moms had a great Mother's Day last weekend.  I had a busy, but good day with my family and kiddos.

There was a lot of food and a lot of treats had and I was pretty much exhausted at the end of the day, but I had 4  miles on the schedule.  I headed downstairs around 9:00pm to hit the treadmill and as soon as I turned it on, I got the lube belt notification and it wouldn't work until I did that.  I almost threw in the towel multiple times while trying to get the belt loosened and tightened up again, but I stuck with it and finally got to running around 9:45pm.  Despite all the extra work of getting the treadmill up and running and the exhaustion, I knocked out my fastest mile (10:00...slow for some, fast for me) which was part of my fastest 5K (34:32).  I'm glad I stuck with it.

Monday I met with a Physical Therapist as part of the medical weight loss program I started through a physician.  It was really comforting because she told me I'm doing everything I should be doing and that the only thing she recommended was mixing things up a bit by taking a spin class or something like that.  She was pleased that I started weight training and thinks that if I keep doing that I should reach my goal. 

Tuesday night was gorgeous and I got in a good run outside and then headed to the gym for a quick lift.  I snapped a quick picture at the gym because I was pretty excited about fitting into an XL outfit off of the clearance rack.

Wednesday I had an appointment with the physician at the weight loss clinic to review my blood work from two week ago.  As she was reviewing my results, she closed out of my chart and went back in.  She said she had to double check and make sure she was in the right place in the right chart because she hasn't seen cholesterol levels that good in a really long time.  

 

 My cholesterol has dropped 46 points since 2007, which was when I was at my heaviest.  She did let me know that I have a Vitamin D deficiency, so I have a prescription supplement that I have to take twice a week.  It is 50,000 units, which is an insane amount, but I will hopefully only have to take it for 8 weeks and we're hoping that once we get those levels under control, I'll feel much better.  I have lost 7 pounds between my two appointments and she was generally excited to see progress because most of their patients don't show any during the first two weeks.  As of this morning, I'm down a total of 110 pounds!  I'm so excited that the scale is moving again! 

I did my long run today since the weekend doesn't really work anymore due to some schedule changes.  I woke up to the sound of raindrops and almost talked myself out of it, but I decided that I better get used to running in the rain in case it rains on the day of the race.  It didn't go quite as well as I wanted it to, but my standards are always really high, so I was still quite pleased at the end. 

I switched things up a bit and rather than listening to music, I decided to listen to some sermons since that always works well when I'm on the treadmill.  I listened to the first three sermons in the "God's Will is Whatever" series from Elevation Church.  If you ever struggle with questioning whether or not the decisions you make are God's will or not, I highly recommend listening to the messages in this series.  The overall message is that as long as you are walking in God's ways, you are in His will.

I stopped to take a picture of the North St. Paul snowman (he was taunting me, I swear ;-) ) and my phone freaked out and rebooted so my tracking is split in two with a little bit of a gap.  I manually put them together and this was the total outcome of my run this morning. 

That is a pretty decent calorie burn

The pace is about a minute slower than I am shooting for on the 2nd, but I feel prepared for my first half marathon.  I'm hoping that with all of the excitement of it being race day and with the pacer teams, I'll be able to finish right around 3:00.  It felt so good to finish knowing that I completed the entire distance that I set out for today.  14 miles was on the schedule, but after my long run last two weeks ago, I decided that I probably shouldn't increase from 11 miles to 14 miles and settled on 13.  I didn't run the entire thing, but I only took short walk breaks here and there after mile five.

I brought Jelly Belly Sport Beans and Gatorade with this time based on some recommendations from a couple of other runner friends and it made things so much better.  I will be sticking with that combo in the future!

As I was on the last mile and so close to home, I started thinking about how crazy it is that I was out on a 13 mile training run that started in the rain.  It was even more crazy that I finished it.  Just the simple fact that I set this goal shows amazing progress for me mentally and emotionally.  I spent so many years of my life being so paralyzed by fear of failure that I never even attempted things unless I was sure I would succeed.  I had no idea if I was going to be able to move this body for 13 miles, but I needed to try.  You will never know what you are capable of and what God is able to do if you don't trust in Him and give it a try.  Even if you fail, God will turn it around and use it for good, it is a win-win! 

I may have cried a few tears of joy as I ran the last tenth of a mile to my front door.  For the first time in a long time, I was proud of myself.

I switched to music during the last three miles and this song was on at the end of my run and it was so perfect

 

So, what is it that you are too afraid to do?  Take the leap of faith and get out there and do it!   

 

The honor of discipleship

Hello!

Life has been pretty great since my last post.  I had a long run on Sunday that I was hoping to do outside, but given a really cold/gloomy day and a family function around dinner time, I decided to do it on the treadmill while the kiddos were taking their afternoon nap.  I ran for a full 2 hours and 28 minutes at a 13:30 mile/hour pace.  For most runners, that pace isn't anything to be excited about, but for this girl, it was an amazing accomplishment.  I am about a month out from my first half marathon and feeling confident that I'll be able to run the entire thing if I keep my pace consistent and slow.  Slow and steady wins finishes the race.

Thursday was BEAUTIFUL.  I went for a 3 mile run around a nearby lake.  I took Lena with me and she did pretty well.  It is really nice to have a 4-legged running partner :-)  I was feeling pretty good and pushed myself a bit more than I normally would have.  When I was at about mile 2 or so, I passed by a man walking the opposite direction that I saw at the beginning of my run on the other side of the lake.  He saw me, got a big smile on his face and said, "Wow, you're still going!"  I gave him a big smile back and said, "gotta keep going."  Seriously, if God wasn't constantly giving me the courage and strength to do this, I would have quit long ago.  This isn't something that people my size do, but I'm not going to let that stop me.  It was the fastest I've ever made it around the lake, so I was pretty excited about that.  

I took Friday off of work because I headed to the Devoted Hearts Conference in Rochester with three friends.  Jen Hatmaker and Kelly Minter were the two speakers and Laura Story lead worship.  It was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G..  Honestly, it was a blessing to be able to spend the past two days soaking in some amazing Bible teaching from incredible speakers alongside three ladies that I'm super thankful to have in my life.

I'm still processing much of what was said because the topic was one that has been weighing heavily on my heart lately.  The motto of the conference was "Act Justly, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly", from Micah 6:8, "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, walk humbly with your God?"

I'm sure I'll have a couple of posts about the things I learned and what it means for me (lets just say I was pretty much straight up crying like a baby in a "the Holy Spirit is working something out in my heart" kind of way during Jen's closing prayer), but tonight I wanted to focus specifically on something Jen Hatmaker talked about on Friday night.

She picked Luke 10:38-42 as her focus for the night, the story of Mary and Martha

"Now as they went on their way, Jesus  entered a village. And a woman named  Martha  welcomed him into her house.  And she had a sister called  Mary, who  sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching.  But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me."  But the Lord answered her,  "Martha, Martha, you are  anxious and troubled about many things,    but one thing is necessary.  Mary has chosen  the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." 

I've always heard this taught about how we shouldn't be Martha and miss the important things in life by focusing on the silly details.  Never have I heard it taught the way Jen taught it last night, nor have I ever learned so much about the Jewish education system and training for a Rabbi.  It was fascinating.  Apparently, only a very small, select group of boys were ever given the privilege and honor of training to become a rabbi.  Their education/training was basically for them to become disciples of a rabbi.  This literally meant that they followed right behind their rabbi and imitated EVERYTHING he did.  Women were never given this honor, so when Jesus came to Martha and Mary, Mary chose discipleship.  She recognized the honor that Jesus gave to her by allowing her the opportunity to learn from him.  

 

Jen asked the question - Are we receiving the honor that discipleship is? 

 

Let that one sink in for a bit. 

 

I know that I am not even coming close to receiving that honor, but God is working in me to fully know and recognize what an honor it is. 

 

When Jen talked about the disciples following the Rabbi, I got this picture in my head of my three kiddos following right behind me.  They are always one step behind me.  If I sit down, they sit down.  If I go in the bathroom, they go in the bathroom.  They are watching everything I do and learning from it.  I am their teacher. 

 

Then it hit me.  If I want them to know, love and imitate Jesus, then they need to see me doing all of those things every step of the way.  I need to be following right behind Jesus while they follow me.  

 

Sidebar: The picture in my head pretty much looks like the Abbey Road CD cover only Jesus is John, I'm Ringo and my kiddos are Paul and George...only there are three of them, but you get the point.   

 

 

 

I'm at a phase in my life where it is very difficult to find time outside of work and raising these kiddos.  I really struggle with that because there are so many people/causes that I want to be helping.  Seeing this image in my head helped me understand the importance of teaching my kiddos how important it is to follow Jesus and made me feel peace with where I'm at today.

 

I want them to know who my teacher is.  As their mother, my main role in their life is to ensure that once they stop following me, they start following Him.  Jen summed it up so nicely in these two phrases, "there is nowhere better for us to be than directly behind Jesus" and "follow at all costs, imitate at every turn, love like he did". 

 

Who (or what) are you following?

 

 

 

 

Stay tuned for more on this topic, I'm just getting started.  There is so much going on in my heart and head right now...need to process more. 

 

I'll leave you with an awesome picture of the best sister in law a girl could ask for and the one and only Jen Hatmaker. 

 

  

Stay the Same or Fight

The funk is over….I think

I've been feeling pretty good and making better choices with what goes into my mouth this week so I feel like things are looking up.

Our Easter was nice, I was hoping to get a nice family picture, but that never seems to happen.  I got two pictures of the youngest and the oldest. 

On Monday, I had decided to finally join LA Fitness because it is the most convenient and Fairview offers a corporate discount on membership and waives the enrollment fee.  I clicked the link from our website that is supposed to take you to the LA Fitness Corporate Membership page and kept getting an error.  I e-mailed the contact on the page and she said everything was working for her, so I called my mom, who also works for Fairview and it worked for her, so I decided that it was God's way of telling me he had other plans.

A couple hours later I hopped in the van to go pick up the kiddos and I got a call from our LA Fitness representative.  He had heard from the person I e-mailed that I was having trouble so he gave me a call to sign up.  So, I happily gave him my info and got myself all signed up.

Tuesday night I finally got the chance to actually go to the gym.  I went to the location that is closest to our house around 7pm and it was PACKED!  I was crying on the inside but decided to go ahead with it.  I'm still not very confident being around super athletic people and that is who was at the gym that night.  I got the run down on where everything was and then got my workout started.  I had a 30 minute run on the schedule for that evening so I scoured the place for an open treadmill and finally found one between two very thin, very fast, very fit ladies.  I typically start my runs at 5mph on my treadmill at home and do intervals between 5/5.5/6 over the 30 minutes.  I've been working really hard on trying to run consistently at 6mph, but I've still got a long way to go.  So I set the treadmill at the gym on 5 and was expecting to follow the same routine but I was exhausted after the first 5 minutes.  I'm not sure if the treadmill was faster than mine or if it was the heat or if it was self doubt….maybe it was a combination of all three.  I ended up walking quite a bit but made it through the 30 minutes and even got a tap on the shoulder from a familiar/friendly face.  After I got done on the treadmill I did leg weight machines for about half an hour.

I am very much looking forward to weight lifting and building some muscle.  I used to be able to lift so much more in high school and college than I can now, so I am hoping to regain some of that strength.  Thursday morning I went to a different LA Fitness location after I dropped the kiddos off and it was so much nicer and there were far less people, so I think I'm going to try and make that my routine.  I'm glad I have a job that allows me to make my own schedule most days.

Speaking of work, I am on-call from 7a Sunday to 7a Monday, since Sunday is normally my long run day, I needed to figure something else out for this week.  I took a look at the weather and decided my best option was probably running before work today and then making up some time on the weekend.  So I got ready before the kids woke up, dropped them off and then headed to one of the trails that I like to run on.  It was a little chilly but the sun was shining, so that was nice.  I had 9.5 miles on the schedule today and I wanted to focus on keeping a consistent pace, I was hoping to hold steady around 13:00min/mile.  Things started out well and I was staying consistent for the first 4 or 5 miles and then things quickly went downhill.  I forgot that part of the trail I was on is used as a cross-country ski trail during the winter and I hit a whole bunch of snow and ice about 4 miles in.  I tried to run on it for a while but then decided to bail on the trail and run on a gravel road that was close by.  The gravel was soft and it completely changed my stride and I quickly lost focus and started to slow down and eventually started walking.  I walked for almost a mile while I tried to re-gain focus and stop thinking about how tired my legs were.  It was a beautiful little farm neighborhood.  I saw a whole bunch of deer and tried to get a picture of them but they saw me and started running, there was also a nice little lake that I stopped to take a picture of.  

I kept waiting for my phone to tell me I had made it half way so I could turn around and head back and it seemed like it took forever.  The second half was brutal and I don't think I've ever wanted anything to be over so badly.  I definitely need to start bringing with something to re-fuel  mid run.  I was happy to make it back on clean pavement around mile 6.5 and kept waiting for my phone to tell me I had hit mile 7 and after I passed a mile marker that I knew would have put me there, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and realized that RunKeeper had crapped out on me and my run wasn't tracking anymore, I was disappointed, but just kept going.  Those last 2.5 miles were awful, I was so happy to see my van and be done!  My overall pace ended up being 14:00, so much slower than I was hoping for, but I am choosing to focus on the fact that I was deliberate in finding time to run/walk 9.5 miles. 

I had my heart rate monitor (thanks, mom!) with me for the first time, which was nice, because I had been concerned that I wasn't pushing myself hard enough on my long runs, but according to my heart rate, I'm right where I should be.  I was super relieved to have the HRM on because I was able to keep track of the length of my run even though run keeper stopped working and was able to edit the run to have a good idea of my average pace.

As usual, there were a couple of moments where God really seemed to show himself to me.  The first was right after I turned around, I was heading back around the lake mentioned above and the song "You Know Me" by Bethel Music came on.  That song always reminds me that God knows exactly where I am at all times and knows exactly what I'm going through, he knows everything about me.  So even on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, God was with me, giving me the encouragement I needed to continue.

The second was just as I was heading from the gravel road back onto the clean trail, it was from a new song that I added to my playlist last night.  The song is called "You Decide" by Fireflight and the part of the song that hit me hard was this

God is calling out to you again
Let Him pull you, let Him take you in
From the fear that swallows up for your life
Will you stay the same or will you fight?

You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life

Will you stay the same or will you fight?  I have decided to fight, and I fought for the entire 9.5 miles today.  Some days I don't feel like fighting, but I have not given up. 

Enduring

I've wanted to sit down and write a post many times over the past week but I just haven't had the time or emotional energy.  I had to work 12 hours on the 17th and then I worked a regular 40 hour work week following that.  I put in close to 50 hours last week and I didn't really recover over the weekend so I'm kind of at that really fun point where one little thing might set me over the edge.  Despite that, I'm here to update on a bunch of random thoughts and happenings.

After I worked that lovely 12 hour shift last Sunday, I met a friend for coffee.   We have known each other since I was 13, so almost 18 years.  About half of those years were spent not talking to each other due to  some not-so fun college drama caused by the very immature person I used to be.  There are very few people outside of my family that know the various versions of me that have existed in my 31 years of life, she is one of them.  I cut ties with pretty much everyone I knew in college because I didn't like the person I was then and I felt a lot of shame, guilt and embarrassment for a lot of the decisions made during a three year span of my life. 

However, God isn't done with either of us and wasn't satisfied with how our relationship ended and he has been working big time in both of our lives.  Through the wonders of social networking, we reconnected a few years ago and have started to rebuild our friendship.  It is providence, plain and simple that God has us both in the spot we are in at this point in time so that we can work together to achieve some similar goals in our lives and in our faith.  

It didn't hit me until I was home from our coffee date, in my bed, spending some end of the day time with God that I realized just how different I am now compared to the girl I was in or freshly out of college.  For once in my life, I actually felt like I was a new creation.  Like God's love, patience and mercy wasn't wasted on me, He has transformed me and I am new.  Without her acknowledging that I have changed, I don't know that I would have been able to realize this.  I'm excited to get to start growing our relationship again with Christ at the center of it, which is very different from before. 

Fast forward to last Saturday & Sunday. 

I went to church on Saturday night and the message was fantastic and it started out with a running story.  I had a long run on the schedule for Sunday of 8 miles, farther than I have ever run before, so I was excited to have a little extra motivation to keep me pushing ahead.  You can check out the message here.  

The message was called "Why I Keep Going" and it was the last in our "Am I Really a Christian?" series.  Pastor Jason Anderson outlined three ways to develop endurance:

1) Push through trouble 

2) Let God shape your beliefs, not culture 

3) Draw near to God and stay there

Pretty great stuff.  One of the passages that he focused on has stuck with me and I've read it a few times this week

Therefore, my beloved,  as you have always  obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,  for  it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for  his good pleasure.  Do all things  without grumbling or  questioning,  that you may be blameless and innocent,  children of God  without blemish  in the midst of  a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine  as lights in the world,  holding fast to  the word of life, so that in  the day of Christ  I may be proud that  I did not run in vain or labor in vain. (Phil 2:12-16, ESV)

On Sunday, I started to mentally prepare for my run.  My mom came over to watch the kiddos during their nap so that I could head out on my run before James got home from work.  I headed out around 1:30 and ran on a trail that follows the Mississippi River, I was doing a 4 mile out and back trip.  The sky was overcast, it was in the low 30's and light flakes of snow were slowly falling.  In my book, it was a really crappy day for running, but I wasn't going to let that stop me.  I got my play list ready and started run keeper and I was off.  I tried really hard to focus on keeping my pace nice and slow so that I could run as long as possible before taking a walking break.  I decided that the only way I was going to make an 8 mile run was if God was with me, so I decided to take the opportunity to pray.  I prayed for the entire 8 miles, I made it about 6.5 miles before I had to take a quick walking break and walking was actually more difficult because I had formed a really nice rhythm, so I quickly went back to running.  I kept running until about mile 7 and then had to take another quick break and then I finished strong to the end.  My pace got slower with each mile, so I really want to focus on starting even slower to try and keep the pace more steady, but overall, I was happy with how the run went.

Here are the results.  I think I'll always be painfully slow, at least until I'm out of the obese/overweight category.  I run much better when I accept that.

I stopped to snap a picture quickly on my way back

The best part of the run was during mile 5 when I was headed back to the car, I was headed up a small hill and I hadn't taken a break yet and I was in complete awe of the endurance that God had given me.  The song Break Every Chain by Jesus Culture was on, the chorus of the song was on and the lyrics are

There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain

I could literally feel my body getting lighter as I powered up the hill and in my mind I just had this visual of throwing off chains and baggage and leaving them on the hill.  It was AMAZING!  It was such a reminder to me that God has helped me to get rid of the chains keeping me enslaved to food and self doubt.  He is giving me the strength to endure long runs and the difficult times in my faith.  God makes THE BEST running partner, hands down. 

Inevitably, after having a wonderful afternoon where I felt extremely connected to God, by the end of the day, I felt completely depleted and defeated.  Spiritual warfare is real friends, I strongly believe that. 

From Sunday evening through last night, I was extremely crabby, my eating was out of control and I started to have major doubts about signing up to run a half marathon.  I saw an article written by an elite athlete talking about how slow runners and people who walk are a disgrace to the sport of running and have no respect and have no place in races.  I was really irritated because they made it sound like people who aren't in the front of the pack don't train hard and don't take things seriously, which is far from true.  Then, yesterday during a quick stress-relief run before my small group, I was heckled by a passer by in a car.  It has been a while since that has happened and it crushed me. 

Last night I started to feel better after small group with my bestest ladies.  We are studying Romans and there are some really great discussion questions in the study we are doing (Romans: A Blackaby Bible Study Series). 

I did end up making an appointment with a doctor who specializes in weight loss because I'm done with being frustrated trying to figure out the right balance of nutrition on my own and there are way too many opinions out there.  I'm meeting with a doctor because I want a medical opinion, I don't want to be sold on any fad diets or products, I just want an honest assessment of where I am and where I am going.  I'm also hoping meeting with this specialist will help me set a reasonable long term goal.

Well, I suppose that about does it for updates.  If I don't get the chance to post again before Sunday, Happy Easter!!!  If you live in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area and want to go to a church but don't have anyone to go with, please e-mail me!  We'd love to have you join our family and I promise it won't be weird and no one will make you do anything you don't want to do.  I am 100% serious about this.