What a difference 4 years can make

Well, I promised pictures.  I only have one new picture, I was hoping for more, but I've had a sick little dude for the past couple of days and I'm starting to get the lovely crud that he has so there hasn't been much accomplished the past few days in our home.

This is how I spent my day on Thursday

Here is a picture of me on Thanksgiving 4 years ago with my daughter, Rory.  (Yes, daughter, we bought the outfit before we knew if baby was a boy or girl)

I think I was probably around 370 or something like that, I still had some pregnancy weight at this point, which I don't count in my weight loss totals because it just doesn't seem right. 

Here we are last Sunday on our way out the door to the Disney on Ice show. 

 

 

Getting to the show proved to be an interesting experience, or "adventure" as my husband decided to call it.  We got about 10 inches of snow last weekend and it was still snowing as we headed out.  The roads were HORRIBLE to say the least, but I headed out and made it safely to downtown Minneapolis, where there happened to be a Vikings game getting out at the exact same time.  I texted James from a stoplight and he looked me up on google latitude and quickly gave me a follow up phone call...."Hun, where are you?  The show is at the Xcel (in St. Paul)."  Insert mass hysteria and panic on my end at that point.

 

I didn't look at the stupid tickets.  James purchased them, I printed them out, but never paid any attention to where it was.  It was at the Target center last time, so I just assumed it was there again this time.  So there we were, downtown Minneapolis, supposed to be in downtown St. Paul and it was 4:30 and the show started at 5:00.  Traffic was at a standstill with the unplowed roads and I had a complete breakdown.  I felt so helpless because I was just stuck, we had moved about a car length in 20 minutes.  I finally decided to take some side roads and hope that I could find an alternate entrance to any highway.  We finally made it to the show during the intermission so at least we saw the last half, and Rory didn't really know any different, so we still had a good time.

 

Yesterday I decided to get outside for a run, I had 4 miles on the schedule and the weather was pretty decent so I was looking forward to a little bit of time to myself.  About 3/4 miles into my run my phone rang, it was James and he had locked himself out of the house with our sick son.  So I turned around and headed back home to let them in and then did another short run around our neighborhood.  It felt really good, I like running in the cold weather (thanks, Kelley, for the heads up on the Cuddle Duds, made a WORLD of difference).  My goal for the Polar Dash is to have 12:00 minute miles or less and I was very close yesterday on a nice and easy run, so I'm hopeful that it will happen.  

 

Eating this week was a bit of a challenge for me.  I hate hormones....I will leave it at that.  I need to learn to find a way to keep control even when everything in my body is screaming for more.

 

That is all for now, enjoy the day!   

Weight Loss Progress Pictures and a few other remarks about this seemingly never ending journey

Not gonna lie, when I looked at the pictures of myself after completing the 10K, I was disappointed.  I feel like I should look smaller than I do....which is seriously crazy.  I still weigh 271 pounds, I still have about 100 pounds left to loose.

I had to search and dig for older pictures to remind myself of how far I have come.  This was no easy task since finding a full body picture of myself taken anywhere between 2003 and 2012 is nearly impossible.  I think there are only about 10 of them in existence...which is really sad considering I've gotten married and had three kids in that time.  There should be far more, but I always feel like I'm ruining a picture by being in it.  I'm sure a lot of you have already read it, but I recently read an article called "The Mom Stays in the Picture" that made me determined to change this.  I cried like a baby.

Since I went through the trouble of finding pictures to remind myself, I thought I'd share them with you.

I found this lovely gem from my little sister's college graduation in May 2007.  I don't think this was quite at my heaviest (355 lbs), but it is pretty darn close.  I'm probably around 345 here and wearing a size 28.

 

I honestly don't remember being this big, I don't think I ever realized that I was this big.  As awful as this picture is, I was actually really happy that I found it.

The next one is after having two kiddos.  It is from April 2010, so about 5 months after baby number two, and I'm guessing I'm around 325. 

 

 

This one is from August 2011, one month after having baby number 3 and enjoying some ice cream on my birthday.  I think I was 330 or so at that point.  The weight didn't come off nearly as quickly the third time around. 

 

Here I am a couple of weeks ago

Here is yesterday (271 pounds)

 

Progress has been made, but I still have so very far to go.  As much as I want to pretend that this is all about being healthier, I also have to acknowledge that there is a very large part of me that just wants to be ok with what I see in the mirror and in the pictures that I look at.  I'd love to be able to say that none of that matters, but I'm just not there yet.  Hopefully some day I will be.

I did have one little victory this past week that helped me realize that I am making progress.  Since I was out of town for work again, I decided to take some time and go shopping.  Getting the chance to go to the mall without a kiddo in tow is a rare opportunity, so I seized it! 

I knew that Forever 21 had plus size sections in some of their stores, so I decided to check it out since their clothes aren't astronomically expensive.  The last pair of pants that I bought was a 24 (the grey ones above) and I was shocked when they fit.  The biggest size I could find at Forever 21 was a size 20.  It took me about 15 minutes to work up the courage to actually go and try them on, but man, was I happy that I did.  THEY FIT!  Like completely, 100% fit.  I didn't have to squeeze anything in, I was just able to zip them up.  I just stood in the dressing room with a ginormous smile on my face for a good 5 minutes and then walked around the store for another 10 or so trying to decide if I should actually buy them or not.  I decided to pick up a shirt to go with them and walked out of the store with a whole new outfit for about $25...still much more than I like to spend, but a little non-food reward (I pretty much don't buy clothes unless they are on clearance or from Savers). 

While I was walking around trying to decide if I should buy them or not, I started to feel a bit overwhelmed.  I've been fat my entire life.  I've never been able to just go to a regular store, look for clothes that I thought were cute and then bought them.  I've had to start with about 4 or 5 racks of plus size clothes (compared to the hundreds of normal sizes), look for something that I sort of liked and then pray that they had a size that would fit me.  I've never developed my own "style" because I've always been limited by size.  I honestly started to get a bit anxious as I strolled through the store....I wouldn't even know where to start if I could fit into "normal" sized clothes.  The options increase substantially, and it was a little bit scary to think about being able to choose from some day.  I really don't know how anyone who wears a normal size determines what they buy with the seemingly limitless options....it would take me much more time than I have. 

So that is where I'm at.  I'm about 8 pounds away from my half way marker of 91 pounds lost and trying very hard to stay focused and remain positive.  This really is the most difficult thing I've ever done.  I need to get back in gear with using My Fitness Pal and figure out a good workout plan now that I'm done with my 10K training.

Do any of you have a great workout plan that you stick to?  There is a Zumba class at my office on Thursday evenings, so I think I might check that out.  I'm going to keep running twice a week or so, but probably only do 6-9 miles a week until spring.