Beyond Bare Minimum

Saturday I ran my first race of the year, the Get in Gear 10K.  Despite all kinds of encouragement from a new friend, an amazing friend and my family, I could not get myself together and the race didn't go as well as I was hoping it would when I signed up.  It wasn't my worst 10K time (by 6 seconds), but it was far from my best, by like 11 minutes.  Although I was frustrated with my performance, I was still proud of myself for getting out there and running even though I wasn't feeling it and had just recovered from a stomach bug.

Photo Credit to the amazing friend mentioned above

I took Sunday and Monday off from running but was back at it this morning.  I transitioned from my 10K plan into the Team World Vision Marathon Base Training Plan, which is currently 35 minutes of 3 min run/1 min walk intervals.  I like to tell myself that I'm better than that, that I can run straight for 35 minutes, but the honest truth is, right now, I can't.

I've been living in this world of "Bare Minimum" for a while now, not just in running, but in life.  Running my first marathon last fall definitely required more than my bare minimum in terms of time commitment, but when I'm actually out running, I'm just doing the bare minimum required to finish.  Even though my bare minimum proves to be extremely challenging some days, I know that I have more in me. 

So today I set out to do my 35 minute run with 3:1 intervals and my goal was to push myself hard on the running intervals.  Over the winter I had been pushing myself on the treadmill, getting my running speed up, but the transition to the road has not gone well.  I would imagine the transition from the treadmill to the road is a lot harder the heavier you are because your legs are working so much harder to move your body without the help of the belt.  I have no scientific evidence to back this up, it just seems like it would be the case to me…..but then again, I like to make excuses. 

As I was in the middle of one of my running intervals, my legs were burning and I wanted to stop so bad.  I took Lena (our dog) with and she was dragging behind me, so I knew it was fast for her too, but I was determined to keep going.  I just kept telling myself, "You have to do hard things if you want to get better".  I haven't been doing many hard things lately and I haven't been getting better at anything.  Even though I've lost 100+ pounds, I feel like I did it doing the bare minimum.  I still have 70 or so pounds to go and bare minimum isn't going to cut it anymore.  Bare minimum isn't going to get me relief.  It is time to do hard things, and not eating what I want to eat is a really hard thing for me. 

I have always given my all at work and school, but for some reason, when it comes to things that only impact me, I get lazy.  I'm not sure if this is from low self-esteem or a people pleasing nature, but it is what it is and I'm aware of it now and trying to move forward.  

I started thinking about how it is easier for me to run with walk intervals in between.  My pace is always better, even with the walking, than if I just flat out run.  I believe this is because I push myself harder knowing that relief is coming.  Then it hit me, I run because I want to be that relief for the women and children that walk for hours each day just to get dirty water.  I can do hard things so that they can have relief from their daily water walk and the disease and safety threats that come with it.

Jesus did the hardest thing to give us the ultimate relief.  He was beaten, mocked, betrayed and killed so that we could have life.  He gave us everything he had and if we want to be like him, we need to give a whole lot more than our bare minimum in places that actually matter.  We need to give our all in matters of poverty and justice, bare minimum isn't enough when others are counting on us to be their relief.  It is what love requires of us.  (Micah 6:8)

As I was running this morning and feeling that burning in my legs and my chest, I was thinking about how hard it is to start running, especially for someone who is battling with being overweight.  I started thinking about all of the strong and beautiful women I know that God has moved to run with Team World Vision this year and I just felt so incredibly proud of every one of you.  Here is what I want you to know - Just by getting out there and having the courage to start, you are doing a hard thing.  It is easier to stay where you are comfortable, but you aren't.  You are doing hard things and relief will come, it might look different for every one of you, but it will come.   Even though I've been running for 3 years, it is still hard, but it is a different kind of hard, and it is still very much worth it.  So never give up, because you are doing hard things, and hard things lead to better things, and God withholds no good thing from us (Psalm 84:11), so just imagine what is in store for your obedience!

I can give it my all when it comes to running with Team World Vision, but that won't mean a thing unless I have people supporting me who are willing to get past bare minimum in terms of generosity.  I've been quiet about running this year because my husband signed up to run as well and I want people to give to him because he is taking an even bigger leap of faith than I took last year.  That being said, there are many people that I know that don't know him, so I’m still going big with my goal.  I'm hoping to raise  $3,000 which would provide enough money for 60 people to have clean water for life.  This is more than I raised last year, but I met my goal last year even though I thought it was impossible.  I’m kind of starting to believe this whole business about what is impossible with man being possible with God. (Matthew 19:26)  I believe God really wants everyone to have access to clean water and he is moving big time in the Twin Cities this year to make it happen.

So will you join me today in moving beyond the bare minimum on the things that make a difference if it means that you can only give the bare minimum on the things that don't?  (I'm looking at you Facebook, Instagram, Netflix and Hulu....you are getting my bare minimum from now on rather than my best.)  Can you do a hard thing and give up $50 or $100 dollars to provide clean water for someone else and be their relief?

http://www.teamworldvision.org/participant/tkasal

As I continued on my run, I began to pray

"God, thank you for being so patient with me.  Thank you for giving me unlimited chances to start over.  Thank you for going beyond bare minimum, thank you for giving me your all.  Please help me to give my all so that others can have relief.  Give me the strength to endure when I want to stop.  Help me move my focus away from my weaknesses and instead towards the strength I have in you and through you.  Help me remember why I run and help use my struggle for good.  Amen."

Old Habits Die Hard

So remember back on December 31st when I said I was going to post more and I was going to begin again....yeah, that hasn't been going so well.  But I'm back again today to make the same stinking declaration I've made to myself and to you many times before.

I intend to finish what I started instead of staying stuck here in a comfortable place for the rest of my life.

I'd been holding steady around 250 for quite a while.  I was doing great in January with running.  I was doing great on starting over with the Couch to 5K plan at a faster pace and then February hit and it was one virus after another, which lead into March which was a lot of the same including my first experience with shingles.  

I like to say that I'm really great at making excuses, and maybe I am, but the truth is, the past few months were really hard mentally and emotionally and I just needed some time to exist.  My anxiety has been out of control and my body is sending me really loud signals to tell me it isn't happy.   I have gotten so good at what I think is dealing with my anxiety, but I'm actually just ignoring it, but my body is still very aware.  Healthy 33 year old women don't get shingles unless their immune system is compromised by stress.  

I apparently get really worked up over really stupid things and I don't always even know it is happening.  A couple of weeks ago I was driving home from Verona, WI and I thought I'd stop in Wisconsin Dells at an outlet mall to do a little bit of shopping for myself.  I tried on a few things and didn't really like the way anything looked, so I decided to shop for my kiddos instead.  As I was shopping I started to get a stabbing pain in my back, right around my heart.  I thought it might be related to the shingles, but it was starting to concern me a little bit so I cut my shopping trip short and headed back to the car to call my husband.  As I called him to tell him what was going on, I just started sobbing and as soon as I hung up the phone I realized I was having an anxiety attack.....over clothes, or my complete inability to construct an outfit that looks remotely appealing.  Silly, silly things, but my mind can't seem to let them go.    

I've spent a lot of time these past few months praying frustrated prayers of being stuck and waiting for the strength to finally get out of this rut and get this thing done.  I feel like I have been stuck here for a very specific purpose, which has been to inspire other people who also don't look like your typical runner to run marathons with Team World Vision.  I know a handful of people who were inspired to run after hearing my story, so good has come of me being stuck, but now, I really want to move on.

I'm running my second marathon with Team World Vision in October.  I had really hoped to be faster so that I could run with the friends I had made last year who run at a faster pace, but instead, God has given me new friends to run with this year who already run at a pace closer to mine.  His plans are always so good.

That being said, I desperately want to lose some weight before October to make marathon number 2 easier on my body.  We went on a brief family vacation to St. Louis this week and I kind of allowed myself one too many indulgences and yesterday when I stepped on the scale it read 255.4....no bueno.  So I'm trying to get back on track, and I think it will be easier this time since my husband has decided to run the marathon with me.  I think tackling this sucker together is an answered prayer and I'm confident that God will be working in our lives and in our marriage to help us both overcome our dependence on food for pretty much everything.

I really need to get a grip on the quality and quantity of the food I'm eating but I haven't been able to come up with a meal plan or shopping list for the last two months.  I have tried, multiple times, but I just scroll relentlessly through recipe after recipe and nothing seems appealing.  I feel like I'm stuck in this place where I'm sick and tired of trying to make healthy food for my family that no one will eat and making food that isn't the best for us but that I know will get eaten.  I really don't want to compromise, so instead, I'm doing nothing at all.  If anyone has healthy recipes that are 3, 5 and 6 year old approved, send them my way!

Bottom line, I'm tired of being stuck where I am, I want to move forward, but like I said, I'm tired and having a hard time finding the energy and motivation I need to move forward.  I keep praying for a breakthrough.  God gave me one before and I'm sure he'll do it again when the time is right, I just hope that might be some time soon.

So thanks for sticking with me even though it is inconsistent and not always super uplifting, but if nothing else, it is real, and I always appreciate that.  

I do find time to smile every once in a while.