Enduring

I've wanted to sit down and write a post many times over the past week but I just haven't had the time or emotional energy.  I had to work 12 hours on the 17th and then I worked a regular 40 hour work week following that.  I put in close to 50 hours last week and I didn't really recover over the weekend so I'm kind of at that really fun point where one little thing might set me over the edge.  Despite that, I'm here to update on a bunch of random thoughts and happenings.

After I worked that lovely 12 hour shift last Sunday, I met a friend for coffee.   We have known each other since I was 13, so almost 18 years.  About half of those years were spent not talking to each other due to  some not-so fun college drama caused by the very immature person I used to be.  There are very few people outside of my family that know the various versions of me that have existed in my 31 years of life, she is one of them.  I cut ties with pretty much everyone I knew in college because I didn't like the person I was then and I felt a lot of shame, guilt and embarrassment for a lot of the decisions made during a three year span of my life. 

However, God isn't done with either of us and wasn't satisfied with how our relationship ended and he has been working big time in both of our lives.  Through the wonders of social networking, we reconnected a few years ago and have started to rebuild our friendship.  It is providence, plain and simple that God has us both in the spot we are in at this point in time so that we can work together to achieve some similar goals in our lives and in our faith.  

It didn't hit me until I was home from our coffee date, in my bed, spending some end of the day time with God that I realized just how different I am now compared to the girl I was in or freshly out of college.  For once in my life, I actually felt like I was a new creation.  Like God's love, patience and mercy wasn't wasted on me, He has transformed me and I am new.  Without her acknowledging that I have changed, I don't know that I would have been able to realize this.  I'm excited to get to start growing our relationship again with Christ at the center of it, which is very different from before. 

Fast forward to last Saturday & Sunday. 

I went to church on Saturday night and the message was fantastic and it started out with a running story.  I had a long run on the schedule for Sunday of 8 miles, farther than I have ever run before, so I was excited to have a little extra motivation to keep me pushing ahead.  You can check out the message here.  

The message was called "Why I Keep Going" and it was the last in our "Am I Really a Christian?" series.  Pastor Jason Anderson outlined three ways to develop endurance:

1) Push through trouble 

2) Let God shape your beliefs, not culture 

3) Draw near to God and stay there

Pretty great stuff.  One of the passages that he focused on has stuck with me and I've read it a few times this week

Therefore, my beloved,  as you have always  obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,  for  it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for  his good pleasure.  Do all things  without grumbling or  questioning,  that you may be blameless and innocent,  children of God  without blemish  in the midst of  a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine  as lights in the world,  holding fast to  the word of life, so that in  the day of Christ  I may be proud that  I did not run in vain or labor in vain. (Phil 2:12-16, ESV)

On Sunday, I started to mentally prepare for my run.  My mom came over to watch the kiddos during their nap so that I could head out on my run before James got home from work.  I headed out around 1:30 and ran on a trail that follows the Mississippi River, I was doing a 4 mile out and back trip.  The sky was overcast, it was in the low 30's and light flakes of snow were slowly falling.  In my book, it was a really crappy day for running, but I wasn't going to let that stop me.  I got my play list ready and started run keeper and I was off.  I tried really hard to focus on keeping my pace nice and slow so that I could run as long as possible before taking a walking break.  I decided that the only way I was going to make an 8 mile run was if God was with me, so I decided to take the opportunity to pray.  I prayed for the entire 8 miles, I made it about 6.5 miles before I had to take a quick walking break and walking was actually more difficult because I had formed a really nice rhythm, so I quickly went back to running.  I kept running until about mile 7 and then had to take another quick break and then I finished strong to the end.  My pace got slower with each mile, so I really want to focus on starting even slower to try and keep the pace more steady, but overall, I was happy with how the run went.

Here are the results.  I think I'll always be painfully slow, at least until I'm out of the obese/overweight category.  I run much better when I accept that.

I stopped to snap a picture quickly on my way back

The best part of the run was during mile 5 when I was headed back to the car, I was headed up a small hill and I hadn't taken a break yet and I was in complete awe of the endurance that God had given me.  The song Break Every Chain by Jesus Culture was on, the chorus of the song was on and the lyrics are

There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain

I could literally feel my body getting lighter as I powered up the hill and in my mind I just had this visual of throwing off chains and baggage and leaving them on the hill.  It was AMAZING!  It was such a reminder to me that God has helped me to get rid of the chains keeping me enslaved to food and self doubt.  He is giving me the strength to endure long runs and the difficult times in my faith.  God makes THE BEST running partner, hands down. 

Inevitably, after having a wonderful afternoon where I felt extremely connected to God, by the end of the day, I felt completely depleted and defeated.  Spiritual warfare is real friends, I strongly believe that. 

From Sunday evening through last night, I was extremely crabby, my eating was out of control and I started to have major doubts about signing up to run a half marathon.  I saw an article written by an elite athlete talking about how slow runners and people who walk are a disgrace to the sport of running and have no respect and have no place in races.  I was really irritated because they made it sound like people who aren't in the front of the pack don't train hard and don't take things seriously, which is far from true.  Then, yesterday during a quick stress-relief run before my small group, I was heckled by a passer by in a car.  It has been a while since that has happened and it crushed me. 

Last night I started to feel better after small group with my bestest ladies.  We are studying Romans and there are some really great discussion questions in the study we are doing (Romans: A Blackaby Bible Study Series). 

I did end up making an appointment with a doctor who specializes in weight loss because I'm done with being frustrated trying to figure out the right balance of nutrition on my own and there are way too many opinions out there.  I'm meeting with a doctor because I want a medical opinion, I don't want to be sold on any fad diets or products, I just want an honest assessment of where I am and where I am going.  I'm also hoping meeting with this specialist will help me set a reasonable long term goal.

Well, I suppose that about does it for updates.  If I don't get the chance to post again before Sunday, Happy Easter!!!  If you live in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area and want to go to a church but don't have anyone to go with, please e-mail me!  We'd love to have you join our family and I promise it won't be weird and no one will make you do anything you don't want to do.  I am 100% serious about this.