I've been off of work all week and it has been nice to have some time away, so nice that at times I even forgot that I have a job. (It is painful when I remember even thought I genuinely enjoy what I do.)
Time off of work means a loss of routine, which for me means I end up eating more and worse than I normally would. I haven't gone completely crazy, but I haven't been doing as well as I would like to. It is so much easier for me to make exercise and running a priority because I enjoy them. I need to find a way to enjoy eating smaller amounts of food.
It always comes back to what goes in my mouth and I think I have finally accepted the fact that you can't make up for a bad diet with exercise. I really wish that I could eat whatever I wanted and just workout more, but it doesn't work that way.
It is time to read Made to Crave again as I find myself finding comfort in food more than I want to these days. I know that this will always be a struggle for me. I don't think I'm ever going to completely overcome my emotional eating habits, but I'm praying that I'm always aware of them and that I never stop trying.
It is really ridiculous how much I need a consistent schedule to stay on track in life. I work best when I am really busy and have to get things done with a budgeted amount of time, so vacations aren't so great for my weight and fitness goals, but they are good for my mind and soul, which is equally important.
In other news, I started taking a new medication (appetite suppressant) under a strong recommendation from the weight loss physician I am seeing. Even though I'm down 10 pounds since staring the program, I've plateaued again over the past three weeks. I have been on the new med since Wednesday and so far all I'm experiencing are really not so great side effects. I've had a killer headache the past two days and my heart rate went bonkers on my run yesterday morning, I'm still not sure if it is related to the medication or just a fluke, but I am slightly concerned. I'm not sure how long I'm going to give it a shot since I was resistant to using a medication in the first place....so far I'm not impressed.
Despite the headaches and the gloomy weather that we've been having here in Minnesota, I've been enjoying my time off.
Yesterday I took the kiddos to the zoo and my mom, sister and niece came with us as well. It was kind of busy, but we still managed to see everything and have a good time. We even took a ride on the carousel.
Today we enjoyed a lovely birthday party for my niece and nephew followed by an evening at church. Tonight, I am tired, but it has been nice to do some fun things with the kiddos, I know they have appreciated it because I was told by my daughter that I am "the greatest mom that there ever was". I'll take that :-)
This week has reminded me (for the 500,000th time) that I'm never going to "arrive" at contentment and happiness. There isn't a goal that I'm going to meet that is going to make me happy. There isn't a number on the scale that is suddenly going to make me feel great. There isn't a race I'm going to finish that is going to leave me feeling like I conquered the world. I keep telling myself that things like this will make me happy, that I'll be pleased with myself when I "do" certain things. I have a hard time remembering and accepting that the only thing that is going to bring me pure joy is a deeper relationship with God. He is the source of joy.
I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalms 16:8-11
This world and the things in it are not going to bring fullness or joy to any of us. Read Ecclesiastes, especially 2:1-11. The writer of Ecclesiastes did everything there was to do, he had more than any of us will ever have and yet it was meaningless apart from God. I have a hard time remembering this sometimes but I am determined to make this stick in my head! I need to keep my focus on Him and not on me.
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