Fresh Ears

I'd love to tell you what day it is on the Daniel Fast, but the truth is the minute after I hit publish on my last blog entry, I walked into the kitchen and ate one of my mom's infamous banana bars.  Disappointing, not just for me, but I'm sure for all of you reading and pulling for me behind the scenes.  I have been saying from day 1 of this adventure that I didn't want to do anything that wasn't sustainable and there is just no way I could sustain eating that way, for a variety of reasons, so my heart just wasn't in it.  I really wanted it to be because James really was committed to doing it, but I just wasn't there.  It always seems to be that way for us on this whole getting healthy journey, one is weak while the other is strong. 

I'm somewhat comforted by the fact that I learned tonight that I'm not alone in my consistent disappointing and self defeating choices.  People have been doing this same thing since the beginning of time.  I was watching the first sermon in the latest North Point series, Free, tonight as I was on the treadmill and Andy Stanley based much of his sermon off of these verses:
 
15For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. Romans 7:15-20 (ESV)

I've heard/read this before, but tonight it finally clicked.  I love how God gives us fresh ears to hear and understand things that we've heard before in a new way.  Paul is quite wordy with this, but basically, what it sums up to be is that the reason we all keep doing the stupid stuff that we know we shouldn't do is because sin is in us.  We are sinful and the only person who can do anything about it is Jesus.  We desperately need Jesus.  I desperately need Jesus.

I recently recommended the book Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst without having read it myself.  I have heard good things about Lysa and love Proverbs 31, so I figured it would be good.  After my friend told me how great it was, I decided to do some more investigation and bought it for myself.  I signed up for the 21 Day Challenge and have been getting daily e-mails....can I say refreshing?  Seriously, Lysa has already completely done and documented everything I am trying to do.  It was kind of a huge relief to know that I don't have to try and figure this out on my own and know that so many people struggle with the same thing.  I'm trying to finish up another book before I dive into it, but I'm hoping to start it soon.

I'm hoping that while reading the book I will get a second wind in my efforts because I feel like I've been puttering around like the little old timey cars at amusement parks for the past couple of months.  I guess it kind of makes sense to be at this point right now since I'm nearly at the halfway mark. 

I need a fresh start, especially after the past week/weekend.  I wouldn't say that I went crazy, I didn't eat a ton, I just didn't make the best choices.  It is hard to make good choices when there are birthday celebrations going on!  

We had a birthday party for my daughter yesterday.  She requested a pony cake (which turned into a unicorn) and macaroni and cheese.  When I think of macaroni and cheese, I think of John Legend.  He shared his family recipe with Martha Stewart a few years ago on her show and it quickly became my favorite mac and cheese recipe.  It isn't a recipe that you will find on any diet blogs, but it is quite delicious.  I decided to go with a southern soul food vibe for the rest of the menu and made cornbread, chicken strips and calico beans to go with it.  There weren't any leftovers, which I was very happy about for many reasons.  I love cooking for my family because it gives me an opportunity to make things that I love and want to have a little taste of without having a bunch left.

The cake, well, Rory was pleased with it, which is I guess all that matters, but I won't be making cake decorating a new hobby anytime soon.

 

no birthday is complete without silly face pictures



 

I love my little girl.  I have to be successful in this transformation for her (and her brothers).  She had her 4 year well child check last week and her doctor is already concerned about her BMI and we have to go back in three months for a follow up appointment.  What bothered me most about the doctors comments was that she immediately assumed that she spends all day in front of the television. We have been so intentional about not having our kids in front of the tv, we don't even have a tv in our living room. Not all people who are overweight are lazy and I hate that assumption that we are.

She is proportional, but a big girl just like her mom.  A girl who loves chocolate and carbohydrates, just like her mom.  A girl who has already been caught multiple times sneaking food, just like her mom.  I don't want her to go through school hating herself, just like her mom.  I need to model a healthy life for her.  I need to make sure that she knows that she is beautiful just the way she is.  In my conversations with her, I just keep explaining that she can't have another treat because we need to make sure her body is healthy.  I want to associate everything regarding the choices we make about food and exercise to be about health and not about appearance.  

As always, thanks for reading and allowing me an outlet to be completely transparent.  I very much appreciate it.