Eagle Brook is quite different than the church I grew up in or any other church I had attended. The worship band was REALLY good and the message actually made sense and applied Biblical knowledge to every day life. We quickly made going to EBC a regular part of our weekend. It took me a while to fully adjust to the shift from a traditional ELCA service out of the lovely Lutheran Book of Worship into a new format, but I was learning so much more than I ever had before.
After attending for a few months, I decided that I needed to get plugged into a serving role. I started serving in Kid-o-Deo, the early childhood ministry, in the Pre-K1 room at the White Bear Lake campus. Getting involved in a serving role quickly made such a huge church feel smaller and I began forming connections and friendships. I couldn't believe how much 3, 4 and 5 year olds were learning and retaining each week. There are three year olds at our church that can probably recite more memory verses and Bible stories than an average adult, it is fantastic.
James and I decided that we wanted to become members and part of membership is "Believer's Baptism". We were both baptised as infants, but came to learn and understand much more about what the Bible actually says about baptism. Baptism is not salvation. It will not get you into heaven. It is a public declaration of your faith in Christ and should be a decision that you make on your own, not something that your parents decide for you. If you are interested in learning more about EBC's stance on baptism, you can check it out here. We "took the plunge" in a little lake on July 23, 2006. It was such an awesome thing to be baptised together with my husband.
We also joined a small group together and started meeting regularly with some other couples to dig into the Bible and learn more about how God wants us to live. I also attended a Women's Bible Study during the week which was a WONDERFUL experience.
I was doing the "Big 3" (attendingt church on the weekend, Serving and being part of a small group) but still something just wasn't right. I was in a management position under a director who was very into micro managing every single detail. It was my first actual full time job and I had no idea what I was doing. I was a big ball of anxiety for most of those three years and attribute a lot of my weight gain to the stress of that job.
I was just so anxious and depressed that I eventually found myself sitting in front of a psychologist trying to work through some issues. I went to a Christian psychologist who made a big part of my "treatment" forcing me to know and understand who I was in God's eyes. He gave me a printed off sheet that had numerous Bible verses that reminded me of exactly who I am...much different than the lies I had told myself for so many years. He was so successful that I actually worked up the courage to start an M.B.A. program at Bethel University.
I think I mentioned in one of my last posts that I'm a bit torn about getting my M.B.A. I feel like I grew a lot during the program, but I really wish I hadn't taken out loans to pay for the program and I wish I had waited until I had been working a bit longer to know what I actually want to do. If I could do it all over again, I probably would have gotten a MATS (Master of Arts in Theological Studies) degree instead of an M.B.A, but I wouldn't trade the confidence, knowledge and friendships that I formed during that time for anything. I learned a lot about what it means to be servant leader and a lot of our classes brought us back to what leadership looks like from a Biblical perspective.
I got pregnant and had my first kiddo during the program and I was pregnant with my second during commencement. I went from my first full time job (2004) to marriage (2005) to a masters program (2007-2009) to being a mom (2008, 2009, 2011) in a short period of time and honestly, 2007 thru 2011 are pretty much a blur to me. There was so much going on and being perpetually in the newborn and terrible two phase had left very little time for me to actually spend time with God and grow in my faith.
During those years, I very much felt like I was a "Christian". Like I was doing everything God wanted me to be doing and that I was on the right track, but yet, when I look back, I feel like I wasn't growing at all. There were little bits of growth here and there, but I was still very much an "infant" in my faith. It was very much like Paul addresses in his letter to the church in Corinth
But I, brothers,[a] could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. 2 I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, 3 for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? (1 Corinthians 3:1-3)I was trying to be a Christian but still keep control of my life. I have control issues, big ones. I don't know that people who don't spend much time with me would realize it, but when it comes to my life and my destiny, the decisions that I make and the things that will affect me, I desperately want to be in control! I don't like situations, experiences where I can't predict or control the outcome. It is an exhausting way to live.
My need to be in control greatly hindered my ability to grow in my faith. I was growing in knowledge and understanding more about the Bible and how God designed us and desires us to live. I kept hearing but I didn't always put everything I heard into practice. I wasn't trusting God and I really viewed Him as more of someone to turn to when I needed help or a pick me up, not someone that I turned to on a daily basis for strength and guidance. I had a very selfish faith and a very small view of Jesus. That all changed 8 months ago....
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