I'm going to go ahead and call today a win, which is saying a lot compared to the last week or so. I have been in a FOUL mood for about the last week and a half and my poor husband has taken the brunt of it. It is sad how the people we love the most almost always get the worst of us, or maybe that is just me. Anyway, I'm feeling much better this week, but not dismissing the fact that I have a lot of work to do in the anger department.
Today has been a long day followed by a very short night of sleep due to an over tired two year old with night terrors. I don't think I've ever felt more helpless in my life than I did last night watching my little boy writhe and flop around in bed screaming at the top of his lungs. Nothing I did helped or made a difference, he just kept screaming. After about 10 minutes of it, I ended up sobbing and throwing him in the car to head to the ER around midnight because I was completely convinced that he was possessed or had something majorly wrong with his intestines. I think the transition into the car was enough to snap him out of it and after a five minute drive I decided to just turn around and head back home and put him back in bed and after a few little tantrums, we were good to go. Raising kiddos is a constant challenge and an ongoing learning experience.
After a long day at work I had told myself that I wasn't going to run. I'm still trying to kick my cold and the weather was crappy so I was just going to go to bed early. After getting the dishes loaded in the dishwasher, I started to see some blue sky and decided that I was at least going to get out and go for a walk. Well, once I got out and about, I decided that it was a beautiful night for a run. So after a 5 minute walk, I set my run keeper to 5K and off I went. I ran a full 5K without stopping in about 42 minutes. I was definitely taking it slow so I am confident that by the time June 15 rolls around, I will be able to complete my first actual 5K race in my goal of under 40 minutes. I don't care if it is 39:59, I just want to be under 40 and I think that is realistic and achievable.
I decided that as great as praise and worship songs are, they sometimes make me end up running slower and thinking about the words, which is great, but I needed to mix in some songs that made me want to keep going faster. So I found a nice mix of faster praise and worship songs, some Needtobreathe, Flyleaf and Skillet and then threw in some Finch and Jimmy Eat World for good measure. There is always going to be an angst ridden emo girl deep down inside of me, and Jimmy Eat World speaks to her. "The Middle" came on near the last mile of my run and it just made me smile and perked me up a bit....I just had to keep telling myself, "Just do your best, do everything you can, don't you worry what the bitter hearts are going to say." (I also stole the title of this post from the same wonderful song.)
The scale continues to make me happy. It is slow progress, but progress none the less. I was 295 this morning and I am starting to notice a difference in the way my clothes are fitting. It is bittersweet when your favorite pair of work pants don't want to stay up!
I'm going to end this post on a completely unrelated topic (and here is where I start bringing in my unfiltered opinions on things...you have been warned), but I had a little moment on Sunday and haven't had the chance to write about it yet.
When we were at church on Sunday, there was a young gentleman a couple rows in front of us with Down Syndrome. During one of the worship songs, I could hear and see him singing loudly and out of key with every fiber of his being. Tears just began to roll down my face as I watched him. How amazing must it feel to be completely, 100% lost in worship? I treasure the times when I can shut my brain off and just worship. It is so hard for me to do and here was a boy who some would feel sorry for, doing it so very well.
I started to think about an article that I had read a couple of months ago about a new prenatal blood test that would more accurately diagnose Down's in babies during pregnancy. I believe that the abortion rate for babies who test positive for Down's is 75-80%. There is concern that it will become higher and that with the decrease in people being born with Down's, there will be a drastic reduction in the research being done. Sad.
God created humanity so that we would bring glory to His name. It is rare to see someone glorifying and worshiping God for all that he is like the boy was in front of me at church. There were times during the offertory that he would just rise to his feet and raise his hand in praise, he just couldn't keep it inside. I just can't understand why people believe that that isn't a life worth living. Why is his life or the life of any child with Down's Syndrome somehow less valuable than another? My heart is constantly broken for the millions of babies who are not given the chance at life. This is one of those things in life that I will never understand.
My prayer today is that I might have even a shred of the passion and faith that that boy has for the God who loves us all more than we can ever comprehend and that some day everyone would understand the value of ALL people.
33 Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
34 “Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?”
35 “Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay them?”
36 For from him and through him and for him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.
Romans 11:33-36
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